Single and my state of happiness

By curiousillusion ( June 22, 2009 at 10:41 am) · Filed under personal, relationships, , , , ,

So I started the daunting process of packing up my apartment last night and I began with my DVDs and books, because I seem to have massive amounts of both of them.  (Sidebar: it’s moments like these when I begin to see why an e-reader could be a very good idea and quite possibly worth the money.)  But it’s funny, when I started putting my books into boxes, I started seeing ones that I suddenly wanted to read again.  It must be the very act of putting it out of reach that makes me want to reach for it.

You see, I’m a very big re-reader.  In fact, most of the books that I own, I’ve read at least twice, if not more.  But then there are the books that get away from me, that I find I never actually finished reading.  They are not many but they are around.  Tonight I stumbled upon one of them – Single: The art of being satisfied, fulfilled, and independent.

I’m not one for self-help books but this book came into my life a little over 2 years ago, when I started getting out of a serious relationship, and it was a book that was recommended to me.  It probably came into my life just at the right time – I could not stand being on my own: at night I would frantically roam around my seemingly empty apartment (after living with someone for the past few years), desperate for someone to talk to, other than my cat.  I really did not like the idea of being single.

As I said, however, I never got around to finishing the book, or even reading past the first few pages.  I found people to hang out with, things to distract me, a guy to date… and the book ended up tucked away in the bookshelf, forgotten… until last night.  I decided not to pack it or donate it, but instead to set about reading it.

Funny thing though.  It’s not for me anymore.  The very purpose of the book is to get people to understand how satisfying it is to be single, to not feel bad about, say, eating alone in a restaurant, that you can be happy without having a relationship… and I don’t need a book to teach me that or anyone to tell me that.  I figured that out on my own.

Right before 2008 ended, I ended a relationship – the guy was sweet, really cared for me but, I soon realized, was not meant for me and I was not meant for him.  And ever since, I’ve spent a lot of time on my own.  I mean, I’ve gone out, had fun with some friends, but I haven’t actively been looking for anyone.  I’ve just been enjoying having my apartment to myself, having *my TV remote to myself* (lol), embracing the peace and quiet… and basically enjoying being single.  Isn’t it funny how that can just happen?

So I guess the book will get donated after all.  Nothing against the book, I’m sure it is a great one.  I just don’t need it anymore.

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  • ~E
    love it. love it. love it. love it. love it. love it.
    I've actually never been in a serious relationship, and have been single for... well, almost forever. I have "seasons" when I love being single as well. I'm in one right now, actually. Although I've always been single, until recently, I've always had a group of close friends to do things with and live with. This past year I was in a new city by myself, and it took awhile, but I learned the art of LOVING my aloneness. It's been a very long, hard, but extremely amazing year. It's my personal philosophy that everyone should go through an "alone season," and not come out of it until they've learned to love themselves enough to actually NOT want out of it.
  • Terra
    I was the same way!!! I was completely content being single and on my own. Funny thing--I made a new friend at work and he took me to meet some of his friends one night. That's where I met Jason. So you never know when love is going to find you and it's nice to be in a happy place when it does find you. When I met Jason I kept him around b/c I WANTED him around. Not b/c I NEEDED him around. There's something to be said for that!
  • Awww what a nice a story. That seems like a nice way to meet a guy, when you least expect it... and wanting rather than needing is so much better!
  • Nicolle
    You go girl!! You are strong, independent, smart, talented & beautiful!! You're an inspiration for all of us!!
  • :o) Aw thanks!
  • Brad said, "I wish more women understood this lesson."

    Well I wish more *parents* understood this lesson.
    .-= Chelsea Steed´s last blog ..sunny girl =-.
  • No kidding! My mom is always asking me if I'm seeing anyone, who I'm going out with, if I've heard from (insert ex who I haven't spoken to in ages here)... ugh.
  • Carol
    Yep, super post! It is very interesting to read how you're dealing with your current life changes.

    The book came into your life, gave you its message and now its time to let it find the next person. I very much appreciate the flow of these type of serendipitous events.

    Packing gives me an opportunity to assess, remember and measure. The older I get, the less stuff I prefer to deal with. I will *not* become some old lady surrounded by tchotke clutter. Of course, I haven't moved in ten years.

    I love to re-read books.. both fiction and non-fiction. I can't tell you how many times I've read "Little Women". I need to go through my books, soon. Thanks for the nudge.
  • Very serendipitous indeed... actually serendipity is one of my favorite words. :)

    Very true, I'm like that also. In fact, whenever I pack up my classroom at the end of the year, I tend to give away a lot of stuff... I hate clutter and would rather give stuff away than pack it up and deal with it later.

    Awww Little Women used to be my favorite book. Have you seen the movie?
  • Odd One In
    Good on you for this post. Very true. But you know what, from the little I know about you, I don't think you'd let yourself be in a space where you weren't too happy, at least not for long.
    Great post, mate.
  • Well true but sometimes I don't like letting people down or something... hard to explain.
  • Heather J.
    Hey Ari! It's your flickr friend, Heather--I'm not a scary stalker :)

    First of all, YAY!!!! You're all kinds of awesome!! Secondly, I've found that sometimes, those things you think you want (contentedness in singledom) or feel you need the most show up when you LEAST expect them to. One day, you're just sitting around and--WHOA!--you realize how everything has worked out...and much you've learned and grown from it all...and all without even putting the extra effort into it :) AND I'm with Cognitive distortion--if you had a special somebody, how would we have a girls' time together when you come to Georgia?? :)

    Keep up the awesomeness!!!
  • Heya Heather!! And yup, it sure does seem to be that these things sneak up! And very true, I'm looking forward to girls time in Georgia!
  • v
    hi, just stumbled on your blog from 20sb - can't wait to read more :)
  • Thanks!
  • Awww. Yay Ari! This was a great entry and I'm jealous of you. I love having time to myself and when you are in a relationship you don't get that anymore!

    And LOL at Katie's comment!! That masturbation comment cracked me up.

    And anyway, if you were in a relationship you'd have to bring that person when you come see me in GA. Now it can be just you, me, and Bradley. lol David will be in school. :)
  • Yeah and when you have a kid it's even harder, lol! :o)

    True that, we can go out and par-tay!
  • You're an awesome inspiration to me. I'm serious.

    It's hard for me to share my love of singlehood with people when my family and friends are all in "happy relationships". I tried explaining to my uncle once that I was in a happy relationship...with myself, and he thought I was claiming to be addicted to masturbation.

    I like having another proud single gal in my contacts. I think you just convinced me to keep my apartment and not move back home too.

    Oh, and NYC? Um? LETS GO!
    .-= Katie´s last blog ..Ending on a Positive =-.
  • Aw thanks. :) And omg, lol @ the uncle! That is too funny!

    Let's do it... NYC here we come!!
  • I'm glad you're cool with being single. I think Id be a wreck. :(
  • I think you think that, but eventually you'd realize you really wouldn't be. Promise.
  • Think I need to read this book lol. Nah It's not all that bad being single. At least we have lots of time to ourselves :)
    .-= Lucy´s last blog ..Pics from the last 3 years... =-.
  • It seems like a good book, I do think I would recommend it. And yup, time to ourselves is nice!
  • Great post. I wish more women understood this lesson. I am a firm believer that you need to be happy on your own before you can be happy in a relationship.
  • That's what they say, isn't it, that you need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy in a relationship?

    Okay next relationship... I'm ready! Ha, just kidding!
  • I don’t need a book to teach me that or anyone to tell me that. I figured that out on my own. - I couldn't agree more with this sentiment :)

    I'm a big re-reader too
    .-= Heather´s last blog ..My Giveaway and First Story =-.
  • :o)
  • It's great to be happy how you are. :)

    I'm a big re-reader too, I love going back to an old story because you always notice different things the second or third time over.
    .-= Bluebelle´s last blog ..Green and Dizzy =-.
  • I think so too. :)

    And yup, exactly. Although sometimes you read a book a second or third time and it doesn't hold up as well...
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