can i ask for some help... I'm in a relationship, yet i'm the third wheel. My boyfriend and I are great when we are alone or with other friends, but when we are with our best friend, who is a male and gay, i become invisible and he shares all our personal and interment details with his friend... I don't know what to do, we are getting married but i feel like i'm married to him and his best his best friend. What do I do??? :-(

Can we hang out? Seriously.

I have two. Count them. T W O friends who are single, and the rest are all involved. And not just involved, but involved to a point where all I hear about is their relationship.

Am I content being single? YES. Do I want to go out and have an awesome time with my friends? YES. Do I want to hear every waking problem you're having in your relationship right now? NO LEAVE ME ALONE!

Usually after I'm pretty intoxicated, I'll let anyone talk about anything. It's to the point where I don't even care about it when I'm drunk. It's bad.
.-= Katie´s last blog ..Mexican Food = No More Foreplay =-.

My husband and I share a lot of friends so if it's a mixed group we'll usually both go along. But we have girl's and boy's nights/outings separately - I don't want to spend the night playing video games and he doesn't want to go shopping. It's important for you to have time apart in a relationship. That said, maybe your friend doesn't realise you want some girls only time - especially if its a new relationship she might just be so swept up in the not-wanting-to-be-apart feelings. Maybe try talking to her about it?
.-= Bluebelle´s last blog ..Photo Post =-.

Firstly.. not a new relationship. I think the honeymoon period is over. You'd think so anyway. But yeah you're right.

Lol I have yet to find a guy that likes to go shopping. Scratch that... I once ran into the boyfriend of a guy I worked with and he and I had a blast sniffing scents in Bath & Body Works. I've always wanted a gay best friend...

All but one of my friends is married. I have been a third wheel my entire grown-up life, except for six months. Now, not only am I single, but I don't have any friends here in Vegas. So be grateful for having to be a third wheel, because it means you have someone to hang out with.

Sorry to hear you don't have any friends in Vegas... I don't know many people in Houston if that makes you feel better.

How's being single treating you? You feeling any better about it?

I totally agree with you. I'm married, but I think its really important to spend some time apart and to have seperate social outlets. I adore my husband, but there are times when I just want to see my girlfriends. I have no doubt that my husband adores me, but there are times that he just wants to hang out with his buddies. I've never understood people who can't/won't socialize without their significant other.
.-= Jill Pilgrim´s last blog ..Lobsterfest ‘09, otherwise known as, Independence Day =-.

Yeah I can't understand it either. I mean, after a while I sort of get tired of spending time after time with the same person, lol!

Woah, long comments, I haven't read them, so I apologise if I'm gonna repeat stuff previously said.
I don't think it's necessarily a good or a bad thing. I think it's just the way they interact with each other. People are different, and as a couple they also act differently. So yeh, it's a bummer if all of a sudden your friend's boyfriend hogs her all the time. Perhaps you could say something. Maybe start by having a girls' lunch and invite her a long.
If strategies like this don't work, I reckon the boyfriend's gay.
:)

Yeah you're right, I might try that. I think part of the problem is that I don't tend to hang out with groups of girls anymore so it's not an "obvious" girls night out or something. It's just me and a girl friend and I'm hoping that's all it'll be... and then the boyfriend appears. And you know what I have to say to that... rawr.

When I saw your tweet with the line "being a third wheel", I had a feeling your post with be all too familiar. Like yourself, I am fairly okay being single at this point in life as I focus on other factors, but because of that, enjoying time with friends is also very difficult. Many times feel like I'm the only single person left on the earth, as everyone I know or come across is either in a relationship or married. When I look to spend time friends one of four things happen: 1)They agree to hang out without their significant other (not very often) 2)They bring along their significant other and I become the third wheel 3) They tell me they can't because they already have plans alone with their significant other 4)They just want to stay home because their significant other can't go and they don't want to go out without him/her. (the worst scenario). Just as yourself, I have much respect for my friends and their relationships and I know they need to have their time together but even when I was in a relationship, I made sure my girlfriend and I established "trust" in which we could spend time individually with our friends, especially the ones we knew before we met each other.

Yes! You described the exact 4 scenarios there are perfectly. And 3 out of 4 of them totally suck.

Glad that I could get a guy's opinion, and one that agrees with me! I think you're right too, it boils down to trust, in the end... a couple should trust each other enough to be able to go out without each other.

See I spend most of my time with my husband, but our friends are mostly couples and the one single girl was really more Charlie's friend than mine at first. However, if someone invited me for a girl's night out or whatever, I'd be game. Of course, I've never had that active a night life...

Well yeah I've never had much of an active night life either. But I think I'm still talking about day to day stuff too. Like grabbing lunch or something.

I guess I just figure that if I were in a couple and I had a single friend, I'd ask first before inviting the boyfriend. Or at the very least, not invite the boyfriend every single time, no matter what.

Ooohhh!! I soooooo need to share my story. I'd write about it in my blog, but the person I need to complain about sometimes reads it and would know it was her.
Anyways.. I have a boyfriend, and we do a lot together. Unless we have other plans ahead of time, we usually spend all of our days off from work together. I totally understand wanting to spend lots of time with your significant other. But there's a fine line between that and being obsessive.
A couple weeks ago, all of us girls were hanging out and having dinner. It came up that one of the girls had never been to a zoo, so I suggested we go. I then invited that girls roommate and our other friend. We got talking and planning, and the other friend started mentioning things like "Oh K will love seeings the tigers!" And I really wanted to be like ... "Uhm... who invited K?" She just assumed he was invited. At this point, we were talking about making it an overnight trip. 4 chicks can easily share a hotel room and itd be super cheap, but 4 chicks and one of them's boyfriend? Not so much. Also, 5 people don't fit well in one car either.
I thought it was completely rude that she just assumed he was invited. I could see if she was the one who planned the trip, but she wasn't... I even mentioned that I'd never bring Danny.. he wouldnt even want to go with all of us girls. But she didnt get the hint.

Luckily, it turns out that the girl and her boyfriend cant get any weekends off that we have off... so they're not going anyways. But yeah... I was pissed.
.-= Ashley´s last blog ..Coming Home to Keller =-.

Oh my word, I can totally see how that would be annoying!! Especially with the whole hotel and car issues.

But you're totally right, btw... there is a line between wanting to spend lots of time with your significant other and being obsessive. Ugh.

My boyfriend does not ever want me to be an unwanted tagalong, because he knows other friends dont always appreciate it. I'm only allowed to go with him to hang out with his friends if other girlfriends are going to be there, and I'm totally okay with that. Who wants to be the only girl around with a bunch of guys? (At least guys that arent really YOUR friends)
I'd imagine it'd be the same way for guys. What guy wants to sit around with a bunch of girls he doesnt really know all night?
.-= Ashley´s last blog ..The One Where Ashes Realizes That She's Slightly Afraid of Fireworks... =-.

Hahah you were totally pissed when this happened. I got a lot of irritated BB msgs and I couldn't help but laugh cause you kept saying, "But no one invited him!" or something similar hahah
.-= Heather´s last blog ..I Don't Have the Stamina of a 7 Year Old =-.

I know! I was mad! Because no one invited him!!!
Am/was I not justified in being mad?? haha
.-= Ashley´s last blog ..The One Where Ashes Realizes That She's Slightly Afraid of Fireworks... =-.

My best friend's, little sister's maid of honor tried to do this too. They had a trip to 6 Flags planned as the bachelorette party because none of the girls except the bride & maid of honor were old enough to go to a strip joint, a bar, or what have you. Eventually she was completed outted from the wedding & not invited at all because she made such a huge deal about him not being invited on the girl's weekend! It was bad but the bride found out who her real friends were which was good in the long run.

Oh my, that's awful. I mean, I guess it was good, like you said, but geez. Hello, girls weekend!! No boys allowed!

I would just tell your friends flat out. That's just me though,I'm pretty straight up. As for being single and just about to turn 27, I can say I experience what you do. I like being single, but wouldn't mind if I wasn't. Then there are the bad days which as I seem to get older happen a lot more. The days where I feel I'll never find the right person. I agree however, that you need to have your own time even when in a relationship. I never go out with my best friend Nicolle alone because her and her husband are like family to me. I've pretty much held the title of third wheel for years now. I even call them mom and dad sometimes because its always the three of us and they are older than me by a few short years. Its easier for me to make a joke out of it than to come to grips with always being the third just hanging out since I have nobody else who would rather have my presence. Nicolle thinks I will find someone, but I don't think she understands how I feel about being single sometimes because she never really has been.

Yeah you're probably right. I guess I should just flat out say it. I guess the main thing is that I never get the opportunity... the friends that this happens with, they never mention their boyfriend on the phone when we make plans so I think, maybe this time he won't be there... and then I'm caught off guard when the boyfriend is suddenly there, and it's not like I can say anything then. I'll figure it out one day!

I've had those bad days (mainly when I was 26) but they seem to have gotten better.. mainly because I just figure eventually I'll find someone that gets me. I mean, it has to happen. I kind of refuse to accept it otherwise.

Hmmm...this is the first blog that I really don't know how to respond to. I guess because I have been with my husband since I was 17 & never experienced being a single grown adult. I include my husband in things purely because I enjoy hanging out with him & he is liked by all of my friends. He is very out-going & can talk to anyone, while I am terribly shy. Sometimes I feel secure having him with me in social sitiations because I find it easier to engage in conversations once they're already started & he can always get a conversation started. But as far as friends go, he has his time to go out & vice versa. The funny thing is, when I go out with my Mom or my best friend Chrissi, they don't mind him coming along because he chauffers us & holds our bags & tells us his opinion on how everything looks, all without bitching. You just have to promise to buy him some food!! LOL...But I do enjoy spending time with friends alone too. I'm sorry I have no advice or input. This blog was a tough one for me today.

Wow, that's awesome that you two have been together for that long!

I guess that might be the key though... that your husband is liked by all of your friends, and ha from what you say, he sounds like a great guy! I have some friends that I like their boyfriends and hanging out with them is a blast... and some where I just feel awkward around the boyfriend, not even sure why, and that just makes having him always around frustrating.

Plus I think it's great that you guys do have time to go out on your own, if you choose. I can understand feeling shy and wanting him around, that can be me at times.

My boyfriend and I do a lot together but when Erin came down to visit, I went away on a vacation with her while he stayed at home. sometimes girls just need to be girls and be with their girls. Otherwise I find that the other girls are just too dependent.

I only ever invite Mike if the other people specifically invite him. I never assume that he's invited. Maybe that's being bad girlfriend haha
.-= Heather´s last blog ..Fourth of July and Project 365 =-.

I hear ya, sometimes girls DO need to be just girls and hang out with their girls. Totally.

Nah I don't think that's being a bad girlfriend... either that or maybe that means that I've been a bad girlfriend, lol. I've always been the same way, I don't assume the guy I'm with is automatically invited... I always ask if I want to bring him (but I don't always want to bring him, lol).

Being the 1st of all my friends to marry I had to deal with this in different ways. The hubby & I were pretty clingy as boy friend & girl friend which annoyed some people but thankfully that stage didn't last long (in perspective). We dated for 2 years before we got married but even back then he would have his 'guy's nights' & I'd have my 'girl's night'. Although I will admit it was easier back then before we had kids & those nights could be on the same night more often than not.

It was strang to play 'baby sitter' for one another after our son was born. It was harder for the hubby because he can get pretty jealous at times. Generally his 'guy's nights' involve a group of his guy friends gaming or watching movies at someone's house. My girl's nights generally involve going to a bar because most of my gal pals get tired of being in the house, a house, any house. Thankfully he finally discovered the internet & that he & his friends can game online when its my turn to go out helping him have something to do beside wonder what I'm doing. This has been an interesting developement because now the online gaming crew includes girls. So we are on slightly more even footing.

I think a healthy, trustful couple should be able to handle going out seperately. Absence makes the heart grow fonder & all that. I've been married for almost 8 years now & love my hubby dearly but if we didn't get time to hang out with out each other we'd have killed each other a long time ago. Now my gal & guy pals are starting to get married off one by one & I have to laugh to myself as I watch them deal with adjusting to marriage, having kids, & learning to juggle their time.

I can think of one couple specifically who were always joined at the hip. She brought him to 'girls night' one time & I had to pull her to the side & finally have a word with her. I politely but firmly informed her that while we enjoyed their company 'girls night' isn't for couples. She was a bit hurt at first but after she thought about it for a few she realized I was right. Even though they were a couple she was still her too. She has really come to enjoy our 'girl's nights' & I'm glad.

On the flip side I enjoy spending time with my hubby also. However if I know one of my friends, who happens to be single, wants to hang out I make sure its okay if he joins us. I have assured all my friends we don't have to come as a pair but that we can at times. Being open, honest, & flexible has helped us grow as a couple & has set a good example for our friends who haven't reached that level in their own lives.

Thankfully I married someone who realized that sometimes even if I don't mind his tagging along somtimes my friends just want to hang with me & vice versa with his friends. I have attended a few gaming sessions & movie/dinner outtings with the hubby & his pals which I enjoyed. However gaming isn't really my thing & when I am along the guys have to take into account that I am a girl & don't want to watch most 'guy' movies. On the other hand bar's aren't really the hubby's favorite place & while he does tolerate, & even enjoy, some chick flicks he doesn't always want to watch them. Most of our friends think we are a little odd but I'm used to that, lol.

Ha ha, thank heavens for the internet, right?

Yeah I can see how it would be weird for one spouse to "babysit" for the other... and I can also see how one could be jealous. But yeah, at the same time you can't be joined at the hip.

I guess my issue is that maybe I don't establish things as girls night, just the two of us.. maybe I just assume. And maybe I should be more specific and then it wouldn't be a problem.

Seems like you and hubby have it sorted out, which is great!

I couldn't agree more! And I even has a husband. I love him, and I love the time to spend together. But I definitely need my girl time and he needs his guy time. I have some awesome girlfriends that I hang out with almost weekly. No boys, just us girls, shopping, drinks, dinner, and what not. Even now and then the husband will join us for dinner (usually when I've said I'll cook and then I punk out and tell him I want girl time instead) but it's definitely not every time and I *think* my friends are ok with that. Anyway, I know our relationship feels more healthy to us because we're both able to keep our own identities and hang out with our own separate friends now and then.

Good ponderings today Ari. :)

Glad to know that people agree with me, especially people that are in a couple. I think that's the main thing, that you have your own identities and have time to enjoy them... and then can get back together at the end of it all. :o)