Just call me Little Miss Negative

Posted by: curiousillusion on: July 7, 2009

In: curiousillusion
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[Note: I hesitated to post this because it feels like such a negative aspect of myself, and I don't like putting negativity out there. Plus I'm about 100% sure about what your reactions are going to be. But I started to write this last night and since it's still in my head, I'm posting this.]

Some people have been giving me a hard time about my not wanting to date cute trainer guy. Going beyond the fact that he technically hasn’t asked me out yet, they’re concerned with my reason for not wanting to date cute trainer guy – because when things go wrong, I still have to train at the gym that he works at, and that’s just asking for trouble. Keywords being when things go wrong… I tend to be kind of negative when it comes to this sort of thing.

My experience with relationships isn’t many but I’ve had my share. And they’ve all taught me a lot but what has stayed with me is… relationships end. Breakups are messy. And things (between the two people) are never the same after it’s over.

Don’t get me wrong, I have high hopes that eventually I’ll find someone for me. Someone that *gets* me, looks past my neurotic tendencies or accepts them… and accepts me. And, you know, preferably cooks. :) In fact, I refuse to accept the alternative. But I guess maybe I’m just not ready for it or something… because for the past few years I’ve sort of resigned myself to knowing that any relationship I enter will end.

My last relationship was with a co-worker and we split up halfway through the school year. There’s a reason they say not to mix business with pleasure… those last 5 months of working were fairly miserable indeed. That taught me the most important lesson – do not date someone you have to see regularly (also covered by the tv show How I Met Your Mother in the episode The Platinum Rule, btw).

So yes, cute trainer guy is looking for another job. And who knows, maybe he’ll find another job and/or we will end up on a date and things will go really well. Or maybe not. But you have to forgive me for being wary… I still have to go to the same gym. Anyway, who knows what will happen there. Maybe even nothing… or maybe someone else will pop into my life out of the blue.

In the end, I wonder if it all boils down to how I just feel content being single. And what’s wrong with that?

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cognitivedistortion

Okay. I need to post in FAVOR of this.

You have every right to be picky. You have every right not to want to date and you have every right to wait on things.

I daresay that I'd be feeling the same way if my relationship went the same way as yours... (we know what one I'm talking about).

I only tease about trainer guy and really, if he doesn't have the balls to actually ask you to hang out then forget him. Taking some you time is great and warranted.

Enjoy your single time.

Just Playing Pretend

I tend to count relationships over before they begin too. It could be that we're content being single like you said. It also could be that I'm a skeptic at heart. Sometimes though we have to get ballsy and try it anyway. Do whatever works for you.
.-= Just Playing Pretend´s last blog ..Bitch and Moan =-.

Lucy

Yeah I agree with you, I saw the episode of himym too. There's nothing wrong with being single anyway, at least you can spend time doing hobbies or seeing films you want to see etc.
.-= Lucy´s last blog ..Song stuck in my head... =-.

Odd One In

Well, you know my opinion on the matter, and I'm sure you're sick of hearing it.
One thing: I find it hard to live with purposely doing something to stop one's happiness just because what might happen.

Katie

You're doing crisis prevention, and that in itself is brilliant. Before getting into a relationship that could blossom, you're making sure that all angles are covered. How many relationships end horribly where people think "If I only would have......."

It's great being single. I wish I had more single friends like you and I who WANT to be single and aren't rushing any relationships. You're awesome and when the time is right, the right opportunity will present itself to you!
.-= Katie´s last blog ..Mexican Food = No More Foreplay =-.

Bluebelle

There is nothing wrong with being content being single, definitely absolutely not. In fact there's everything right with being content. Good for you!
And you should make your own decisions about things like this - if you've learned from things that have happened in the past that's a good thing!
.-= Bluebelle´s last blog ..Photo Post =-.

Henry

I say give it some time... After all, we don't even know if he can cook yet! If the chemistry is right, it will become obvious, and besides, by then he may have moved to another gym - or you may have met Mr. Ice Cream Man... (wink..)

Besides, you don't have anywhere to keep him right now anyway, right?

Jill Pilgrim

I don't think that's negative at all! I think its awesome to be content with being single. More people should think more carefully about who they date. BUT, I think I need to see a picture of cute trainer guy. You know, just so I can accurately judge the situation (and his abs, preferably).
.-= Jill Pilgrim´s last blog ..Lobsterfest ‘09, otherwise known as, Independence Day =-.

Rob

I can certainly understand your hesitation. I dated/married a co-worker and the times we weren't getting along were absolute torture. I'll never do that again if I can avoid it. The hard part for me now that I'm single again is that I might be interested in someone that works for a one of my clients (and this looks to be a possibility) which is really frowned upon. Some of the other guys have done it, but I think it would be really tough to still do work there if it didn't work out.

As others have pointed out, you should only do what makes *you* happy. Nobody else has any stake in it. If trainer guy is someone you think you might like to get to know, then you should go for it. If not, then don't, but that should be your choice alone.

One thing is for certain, it will work out the way it's supposed to.

Ashley

I totally agree with you, Ari. I think your choice is very wise. If he quits, then maybe pursue it, but I too know how miserable it can be working with someone after a break up. I know that all too well.

Also, I was incredibly amused when you referenced HIMYM! I looove the show, and most of the "rules" are pretty good ones.
.-= Ashley´s last blog ..Of Children and Horses =-.

Heather

As long as you're happy, that's all the really matters!

I hope you didn't feel like I was giving you a hard time about the trainer guy! I just get excited about those types of things.
.-= Heather´s last blog ..Great Dream, Great Workout, Great Day! =-.

Terra

If you have this strong of a hesitation about going out with him then maybe he's not the one anyway. It's easy for all of us to say "go for it" b/c it's not us who has to deal with the heartbreak and awkwardness when it ends badly. I've said this before--be happy with yourself. Have a man around b/c you WANT him around- not b/c you NEED him around.

FireMom

Nothing wrong with it! Kudos to you! Seriously. More people should be content just being themselves, relationship or otherwise.
.-= FireMom´s last blog ..Why We Love Movie Soundtracks =-.

Still Searching

I dated a co-worker once. She tried to have me fired after I broke up with her.

How I Met Your Mother is a great show btw.
.-= Still Searching´s last blog ..New Blog Design =-.

Kelly Kroh

There's *nothing* wrong with that. I'm married, but it came as a huge surprise to me. Being happy where you're at is what's important here, and it sounds like you are.
.-= Kelly Kroh´s last blog ..Gardening =-.

YFW

Nope. Totally legit. The one plus for you is that he isn't your actual personal trainer. So if things didn't go well, it's pretty easy to avoid each other (just ask any girls I've tried to talk to at my gym).

And drop that other trainer. Thre's no way you should be paying someone any money to do that.
.-= YFW´s last blog ..A Small Step for YFW... =-.

Carrie

Here's hoping you find a special someone and one who especially can cook, whether it is the cute trainer guy or not.

Christina

I support you in your disinterest in dating the trainer. Here's a story for you:

Joined a gym because it had a pool. Bought my goggles and swim cap -went to pool. They were finishing up open kids swim and putting the lane barriers up. One of the two life guards proceed to grill me on where I was from, subtly questioned if I lived with family (i.e. was I single).

Once I was in the pool, he proceeded to do push-ups/sit-ups at the end of my lane and offered me his card/contact info....while I was still swimming. When I got out he gave me his life story and finally asked me out (for that night, despite my saying I already had plans earlier in the conversation). When he asked for my number I freaked out and gave it too him because I had no clue how to nicely decline the overzealous puppy dog of a lifeguard at my new gym. He called before I had even made it out of the locker room to say it was nice meeting me and if I changed my mind about that evening to let him know....

My saving grace is that I had a swimg cap and goggles on the entire time (turns out he lives near me too) . I stalked to the pool for weeks until I learned his schedule so I could swim in peace, but that was weeks of not swimming, which is why I joined the gym.

The whole process of working your schedule out to not see someone after turning them down/a bad date/the end of a relationship is just not worth it.

Nicolle

You're not negative. If you feel happy being single, then more power to you. If you feel wary to date trainer guy, then maybe you should just listen to yourself & screw what everyone else says. It's your life & you can do whatever you choose. Relationships are hard & you should never get into one just because your friends say you should or you feel like you're running out of time to find that "right" person. Do what your heart tells you.

chrissi

I really can't imagine why someone would give you a hard time on such a personal choice.smdh. I agree with every point you made. Trust me. I havr to sit right next to my 'coworker' on the daily & it's no fun. I think you made a wise decision.

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curiousillusion

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