Little Miss Negative has a confession…

By curiousillusion ( July 8, 2009 at 1:09 pm) · Filed under personal, relationships, ,

So I’ve been thinking a lot about what I wrote yesterday, and everyone’s supportive comments.  But there’s something that’s been nagging at my conscience about it all and maybe a confession is in order (and no, @mattstratton, it’s not a good confession… sorry again!).  Because, I know, I go on about enjoying being single and so on… and don’t get me wrong, that’s 100% true.  And the part of not wanting to date someone I see regularly (in yesterday’s case, the gym) is also 100% true.  But… I think deep down a good part of my problem is that I’m like terrified to date.

That sounds pretty ridiculous.  Maybe I’m exaggerating just a touch.  It’s just, I get super awkward around guys that I’m interested in, and I just lose my social skills and manners.  Which seems silly or maybe it’s just normal.  Either way I don’t know that I’m cut out for dating – it feels like so much work. Going on dates, getting to know someone… all of that, just feels overwhelming.   And I know, there are some great parts to dating, parts that I miss – but still.

Of all the guys I’ve dated, before I dated them they were my friend first. Which is hard because when the relationship ended, so did the friendship… and some of them were amazing friends, and so when we broke up I lost a boyfriend and my best friend all in one go.  But in a way it was nice having them as a friend first, because there wasn’t that awkward feeling that comes from going out with someone new.

As a matter of fact, I’ve been on one honest to goodness date.  One.  I mean, I’ve been on dates before but this was the first date where I hadn’t hung out with the guy before hand or anything… In fact, he was a random guy that gave me his number when I was working at a retail job earlier this year.  It’s safe to say it was a disaster – as usual I lost my social skills, ran out of things to say and spent most of dinner people watching instead of watching my date. I never heard from him after that, which was in fact *great* because I was never that interested to begin with… But after that mess of a date, I’m understandably hesitant to go at it again!

Now I know, it’ll happen when I’m ready… I don’t need to worry about it… etc, etc.  And that’s why I try not to stress about it, and why I am happy where I’m at right now. But I just worry that I’m holding myself back sometimes.  I hope not.

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« « Just call me Little Miss Negative| Confessions of this shopaholic » »
  • I can totally understand where you are coming from- life as a single person for me was filled with a total loss of all social grace and fear. Lots and lots of fear. At some point I learned to embrace the awkwardness and just laugh when it was bad. Like if I had a great date, perfect! I'll call my friends and gush. If I had a horrible date, perfect! I'll call my friends and laugh.
    .-= Jill Pilgrim´s last blog ..From Before Marriage, A Cautionary Tale =-.
  • Sounds like a great way to look at things! And look how it all worked out for you now! :)
  • Sarah
    My husband and I were also friends first. For a whole year. I liked him the whole time and I flirted with him, but we didn't start dating for a whole year. You'll find someone eventually who clicks with you and that doesn't make you lose your social skills. Until then, I hope you try to take chances. You have to find him somehow.
  • Good point, if I don't try, I'll never find him.

    That's cute that you flirted with him while y'all were friends for that year!
  • Reading this past series of posts made me think that you and I are very similar when it comes to relationships. My friends refer to me as "the awkward one". They look forward to my dating stories.
    Also like you it scares me to be in a real relationship. I don't really know why because I haven't been hurt badly or anything. I'm just scared.
    So I guess all of this talking meant that I understand.
    Oh and... I'm now caught up on your blog. only 378 posts left. :)
  • Awww, the awkward one! Yeah I had friends cracking up when I told them how the date went.

    I think it is scary. It's very scary being in a real relationship. It's letting someone get to know you, it's learning about someone else... it's a lot. A lot of work too.

    Hope you're more caught up on the other blogs by now!
  • Oh... This is really hard for me to comment on.

    I'm the complete opposite. I love dating. I think it's great going out, meeting someone new, getting to know them and seeing if it leads to anything or if we're just meant to be friends or awkward acquaintances.

    For me personally, I don't believe things will just come to me. For me, I have to work at something. So I never believed that the right guy or any guy would just fall into my lap. I knew I had to go out there and search. But that's just me.

    And it's also me to be very friendly and outgoing. I don't often get tongue-tied or shy around anyone. And I never really feel awkward. To be honest, sometimes I'm the one who purposely creates awkward moments so I can laugh at the fact that everyone feels really awkward.

    But that's who I am. If you do get awkward around guys, I'm sure when you find the right guy, or a right guy, you'll know. Maybe you won't be as awkward. Or maybe he'll find it unbelievably charming!
    .-= Heather´s last blog ..Keep Going Because This is How Change Happens =-.
  • Maybe I should hang around you in real life and your outgoing nature will rub off on me?
  • That's more or less what my dating life has looked like as well. Some of them I've managed to keep as friends (though you're right, it's never the same again) but I also have the benefit of being in a different state than most of them. I'm trying to think back, and I think the only actual date I went on was that inadvertent one, and obviously that didn't turn out very well.

    I really like Bluebelle's advice about seeing a movie. That definitely seems like the most low-key way to go. Maybe you should just become friends with that guy, that way, if he does find the other job and there's chemistry, you're all set for a relationship, but if not, you've at least got a friend :-)
    .-= Kira´s last blog ..Broken Computer! =-.
  • Ah you are my sister! :o)

    Yeah I think the movie thing is a good idea... and so it being friends what that guy. The only thing I'm worried about is him thinking it's a date or something. Ya know?
  • Hmm, I was friends with my husband almost a year before we got together and he was my first boyfriend so I don't have much advice on the dating thing. If you end up going out with this guy, or later with someone else, maybe try a low pressure date like a movie first - that way there's no pressure to talk like there is over dinner. It's a bit less intense. And afterward if you want to talk and it's flowing nicely you can have a walk or something. And if it's getting awkward after you always have the movie to talk about!
    .-= Bluebelle´s last blog ..Photo Post =-.
  • Oooh that IS a great idea... I always have a lot of thoughts about movies too!
  • This is a great idea!
    .-= Heather´s last blog ..Keep Going Because This is How Change Happens =-.
  • The thing is, I was the same way. The best relationship I ever had, the one that lasted, was the one that started as just friends. My husband and I were friends for months, and the romantic relationship snuck up on us. I think that's the best way anyway, because you *know* this person is your best friend and that you love being with them.
    .-= Kelly Kroh´s last blog ..Gardening =-.
  • Yeah I think that's exactly the reason why I like it. Although sometimes it is weird that romance kinda just appears!
  • Nicolle
    Yeesh...another blog that's hard for me to comment on! Like I told you previously this week, I have been with my husband since I was 17, so I haven't experienced dating as a grown-up. I went on dates in high school, but like you, they were always with guys who I was friends with first. I did have the unfortunate pleasure of going on 1 blind date & it was an absolute nightmare. The guy was so clingy & he smelled like sugar cookie dough, which made me gag. Back to the subject at hand, I have heard about the dating horrors from friends. Sometimes I think dating is overrated. Sure going out & being wined & dined is nice sometimes, but what's wrong with getting to know a person in an environment you both feel comfortable in? It could be a bookstore or coffee shop or having a picnic in the park. Dating should be fun. You don't have to stick to the "norm" when it comes to going out on dates. Try looking up events in your area & taking a date to something that sounds interesting to both of you. If it's fun, then it's less likely to be so uncomfortable.
  • Ew the blind date sounds miserable And oh I like your date suggestions, that definitely sounds more fun!

    Well, I gotta find a date first. :D
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