curiousillusion

Cooking for two, as I see it…

Posted by: curiousillusion on: July 17, 2009

I don’t cook, this has been said numerous times.  I mean, at times I’ve followed a recipe and been succesful, but more often than not, something goes wrong and it ends in disaster.  Which is why I stick to the simple stuff – pasta, salads, sandwiches.

My mom, however, refuses to accept this – I think she’s made it her mission to teach me how to cook.  In fact, from what I can tell, I think I’m expected to make dinner for all of us once a week. Wednesday I cooked up some chicken dish that was quite easy and quite yummy.  So hey, maybe I *can* cook.  But I digress…

Anyway… my mom was talking to me about cooking today and admitted that no, she doesn’t really like to cook.  In fact, she didn’t do much of it until shortly after she and my dad got married… apparently my father took her aside and said that when he gets home after a long day of work, he expects a nice meal.

Now that’s a problem for me.  He expects a meal?  My mother works just as hard and just as long as my father does, why is it expected that she should be the one to cook the meal?  When I asked my mom this she just said, “that’s the way it is, that’s part of being a wife”.  She also referred to a daughter of one of their friends (my age, by the way), who is teaching herself to cook because she wants her husband to come home to a nice meal.  (For the record, my dad has been known to prepare dinner from time to time, don’t get me wrong.  About once a week he’ll either make a meal or reheat some leftovers… and he does like to grill on the bbq when the weather is nice.)

Sigh.  I know there are people out there that enjoy this sort of thing and might agree with this sentiment, and that’s fine for them.  But it just grates on me.  Maybe this is why I’m not cut out for marriage just yet – I don’t believe that, because I’m a woman, I should be expected to have dinner set out on the table, day after day.  I mean, I agree that there probably should be some form of nutritious meal at the end of the day, probably something a bit better than a sandwich… and yes, I think that I should be one of the people to provide that meal.  But, I kind of believe that it should be a shared effort.  If there are two people in a marriage and both people are working full-time jobs, then why should one of those people consistently have to be the one to cook, while the other just relaxes and enjoys?

Maybe it’s just me though, I don’t know.  Maybe my mind will change at some point.  Or maybe I’ll just find me a guy that cooks. :)

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  • The great thing about a computer is it does exactly what you tell it to. If you understand the rules it is a completely reproducible process. As a former computer programmer I loved this.

    But in cooking: your oven doesn't apply heat the same way as mine, my spices or herbs may be fresher than yours, and the chicken you buy at the farmers' market is only barely like the chicken you buy at the supermarket. Following a recipe, however faithfully, is no guarantee of success.

    Don't give up. Cooking well is a hugely satisfying experience and can even be easy. If I can help, drop me a note.
    .-= kevin´s last blog ..Mental Munchies =-.
  • Very true, and very wise words. And thanks!
  • I think this is one you have to work out in each relationship. I would not have been impressed if my husband had told me he "expects" a meal ready when he gets home from work. However, we did talk through which chores we'd take main responsibility for before we got married as part of our marriage prep course. I said I was happy to do most of the cooking, because I like cooking. Especially at the moment when I'm only employed part-time and he works full time it works out well. He does cook sometimes, and sometimes I will ask him to cook because I don't feel like it. Sometimes he just decides he wants to cook which is lovely! I do know couples where the girl hates cooking and the guy does it all, and some where they take turns. I think you just have to find something that works for you both.
    .-= Bluebelle´s last blog ..Endings =-.
  • It sounds like you guys have a good arrangement then, hopefully when I get into that situation I can come up with a good one too! Or who knows, maybe I'll learn to like cooking... maybe.
  • Carol
    PS - Check out my recipe for grilled corn on the cob on The Daily Show!
  • I saw, it looks delicious! Can't wait to try it!
  • Carol
    We are probably your parents' age, but I'm happy that Bob does the cooking *and* cleans up after himself, too. If I cook, he usually cleans up after me, too. But I handle laundry and finances, so we're square. :o)
  • Well that sounds like it works out just perfectly then!
  • henry hansen
    Obviously - a lot has changed in the last thirty years - and not just the sharing of chores.. You'll work it out with whichever lucky guy you fall in love with.. After all, he'll be from your generation too, and probably won't have any delusions about who does what. But, learning to cook is a good skill to have no matter what situation you find yourself in.. You might find that it keeps you from having to some even less pleasant task - and at the least - you'll have some nice meals when you're in the mood and in your own place!
  • You're right Henry, good point - whatever guy I end up with hopefully will have my way of thinking too.

    Yeah I need to work on learning to cook. It's just so depressing when it doesn't work out right - so much effort for nothing!
  • Odd One In
    Man, don't even dedicate any energy and time to thinking along that 1950s thinking! If you want something, cook it. If you didn't cook, clean up. If you cooked, clean up, and do your other half a favour. It's called harmony, and it's great in a household.
    Not knowing how/what to cook is not a black & white issue.
    You just need to find the things that you can cook within your comfort zone.
  • Yeah harmony sounds good to me.

    Ummm... my comfort zone is really small. In fact, I wouldn't call it a zone.. .more like a corner.
  • Bradfraser
    We cook together, it is fun. I chop, she makes the sauces, I BBQ, she makes the salads. We both enjoy sharing the wine during prep. It is fun. Who says we have to do thing the way our parents did?
  • Aw that does sound fun!

    And... our parents say we have to do things like they did. Or at least, mine.
  • Sarah
    I'm with you!
  • If someone EXPECTED me to cook and clean up after them, I have a real issue with that.
    When Dannys at my place and he's hungry, if I don't feel like cooking, he can go make a sandwich. Im perfectly okay with that and he had better be!
    .-= Ashley´s last blog ..I Can't Help My Life =-.
  • Ha ha that sounds good to me too!
  • Ari
    Amen!! I can't cook, so my ex and I had a deal - he cooked, I cleaned up. It worked well. Now, I'm dating a chef, so I have the same deal with him.

    I don't mind doing little things for him because I care - like folding his socks how he likes it or even ironing shirts - but I do it because I want to NOT because he expects it.
    .-= Ari´s last blog ..Issues =-.
  • Yeah I used to fold socks and iron shirts for my ex.. then again neither of us were much of a cook so I think I got the short end of the stick there. Oooh how is dating a chef??
  • Carrie
    No worries...not all men want you to have a nice meal for them every night! My hubby and I both cook, sometimes together, and sometimes one of us cooks instead of the other.

    You should check out Pioneer Woman's blog. She has a ton of really tasty recipes (not all healthy though) and many of them are pretty easy actually. My favorite by far is the Spicy Mac and Cheese. Yum! She has a ton of different pasta dishes, which are also my favorite thing to make.
  • I think I've heard of that blog before - will check it out.
  • Sarah
    See, I enjoy cooking and my husband stinks at it. He offers to make meals, but I like doing it. We do dishes either together or he does them. If I ask him to make a meal, then he'll do it. It works out well.

    My mother basically said the same thing though about when she has everyone down to camp. She got annoyed at me because I didn't send Charlie out to play while I played pretty little housekeeper and did the dishes with the women and had girl talk. I despise girl talk.
  • Well that works out with you and your husband. Maybe I'll find a guy that loves to cook and he can take over.

    Lol, send Charlie out to play. Wow.
  • Mike works longer hours than me and usually cooks. Only because I'm lazy. I won't lie, I'm the better cook. Much better in fact. My mother is 100% Italian (that should explain everything right there) and my dad used to be a cook (I was adopted which is why I am Asian and not Italian haha). They both make excellent, excellent food (I know this because all of my friends like my parents' food better than their own parents' cooking).

    Anyway, if Michael didn't cook, I would obviously do the cooking. But it's relatively equal. And by equal I mean his is the quantity of his cooking and mine is the quality hahah. So for every 10 times he makes dinner, I make it once and it all evens out.

    But I do believe it should be equal in some respect. I find that Mike and I found our nice little equilibrium.
    .-= Heather´s last blog ..What If Love Was Simpler? =-.
  • You are more than welcome to come cook for me, btw. Seriously, I don't mind it.
  • Hahah well my cooking deal has now ceased to exist. So maybe I'll come to Texas and teach you how to cook haha.
    .-= Heather´s last blog ..Rules for the Break =-.
  • I'd hate to think that my husband EXPECTS me to come home from work and cook dinner. Afterall, he gets home a whole 3 hours before I do.

    The thing with us though is that we both equally enjoy cooking. We have plans to open a resto within a couple of years so we like to show off our cooking skills...then again we don't EXPECT it of one another. I have a huge problem with that.

    Before getting married my mom told me that as a wife I would be expected to cook dinner, clean the house, pay the bills, do the grocery shopping and yadda yadda yadda. I told my mom that we are from completely different generations. My husband and I both cook dinner, we have a cleaning lady, we run errands like grocery shopping and bill paying TOGETHER.

    I guess the reason your mom used the word expect is because she was married back when that was a womanly task, when it was something that woman were expected to do.
    .-= Jenny´s last blog ..I've been tagged! =-.
  • Oh that's neat that you plan on opening up a restaurant - how cool!

    Yeah my mom sounds like your mom (except my mom doesn't pay the bills). I think maybe I need to KEEP telling my mom that that's not how it works... that you can still have a good relationship and do thing together. Maybe eventually she'll get it.
  • Rebecca
    My husband learned I couldn't even boil water when we were dating, lol. I am so different from all the female 'role models' I've had in my family or his mom. O.o' Those women had dinner on the table ready to eat by 5:30pm regardless of anything, including full time jobs. Thats some BS. My hubby & I share the responsibilities in our home. I do admit it took time to train him to accept that, lol. I'm still not a great cook but I am an expert at simple & love my microwave & crock pot!

    My fav easy meal for the oven though? Mini meatloaves filled with honey flavored bbq sauce, topped with shredded cheese. I usually have corn, peas, green beans, or something uber easy as a side. Recipe: http://www.kraftfoods.com/kf/recipes/marvelous-... I love Kraft's web site! They have lots of really versatile, yummy things like that recipe you can customize to your family's tastes.
  • Ahhh I have a crock pot... never used it in the 2 years I've had it though.

    Oooh that sounds good... I'll have to try that sometime!
  • Nicolle
    I come from a long line of women who believe it is their job to "serve" the man, no matter if they work just as many hours as the man does. I broke away from that mold when I moved in with my husband. Since we both work, then both of us should share the household responsibilities. When it comes to cooking, we take turns or both of us help prepare the meal. We always do the dishes & clean up the kitchen together. Even when I'm cooking dinner, he will always sit with me in the kitchen & keep me company. My family gets upset because they think I should be doing all of it since he's the "man", but we do what works best for us. You will too.
  • Oh I got nervous when I first started reading this, that you WERE one of those people that likes to serve your man. I was like, I didn't mean to offend!

    I think you've got it figured out perfectly, I hope I come across that sort of situation too.
  • Rich
    Cooking is best when you're both in the kitchen doing it together. And with a dishwasher. Actually, the dishwasher might be more important than the cooking. Or you could just go out to eat. Oh screw it, get take out.
  • Ha ha, take it out isn't that healthy tho. But you're right, when you're both in the kitchen cooking, I think it's much better.
  • I don't really like cooking either. I really like the idea of cooking, but not actually the act of cooking (or grocery shopping). Fortunately, my boyfriend does like to cook. He makes dinner (and lunch, depending on our work schedules) and I do his laundry for him. It's a pretty good trade.

    If you're interested, I've started putting together a list of some things that I have cooked that have been super easy and pretty tasty. They're in the recipe section of my blog, I especially recommend the stars with parsley!
    .-= Kira´s last blog ..Music’s Best Kept Secret =-.
  • Omg I don't like grocery shopping either.

    That does seem like a good trade. And okay, I will check out the recipe section for the next time I have to cook!
  • Leaky_Tiki
    Don't fret it. I think it's a generational thing. When we eat at home Mrs LT cooks and I help with dishes. When we grill, I cook. It's just one of those things that you will work out with your partner. We both work full time and I know she's just as tired as I am at the end of the day. It's 2009, not 1950. :-)
  • Yeah good point. Okay I won't. :)
  • Lucy
    I agree, people should take turns...although saying that I cannot cook to save my life! The food turns out burnt and undercooked at the same time lol!
  • Yes that happens to me too! Why?!
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