Okay confession? I started this post 2 weeks ago and I STILL can’t finish it. Or at least, it doesn’t seem complete to me. But I’m posting it anyway because… well, because. :p Day 4/30 for NaBloPoMo.. 2 weeks in the making, but finally done.

So when I created a fan page for the blog (hello shameless plug, you know you wanna join if you haven’t already!) it asked me to describe myself. Fill in that good old “about me” section. And I always find myself amazed at how impossible I find it to describe myself. I never know what to write. Anyway, that, along with a recent post by Shop Girl*, prompted me to try and take a better look at myself. Figure out what makes me really ME.

My problem seems to be that I don’t think any one thing defines me. While I am a teacher, I don’t feel that tells the whole story. While I enjoy taking pictures, I wouldn’t call myself a photographer. Do you see the dilemma?

So beyond that. We’ll start with the facts. I’m twenty-something. Female. Born in America. Half British, half Peruvian (yes, really). Then what? Let’s break it down.. My favorite color is pink but I tend to pick up a lot of purple things. I love listening to music and I tend to sing along to it in my car. My favorite song EVER is “Ride” by Cary Brothers. More than music, I love to read and can devour books in one sitting. I’m not a fan of sports, I don’t play and I don’t like watching. That being said, I support the NFL team the Texans (even though they’re not good) and I support my college football team, Baylor (even though they’re not good either… do you see a trend?). Oh and my dad watches Formula 1 racing and Indy car racing and I actually enjoy watching both too.

What else? I spent far too much time on the internet… but I use the excuse that most of my friends don’t live in the same city so when I’m on the internet, most of the time I’m communicating with them. Ummm… I grew up wanting to be a nurse (since I was 6 years old) and then missed passing an anatomy course by a few points, so I changed my career. Fell into teaching, I’m not entirely sure how. Umm… what else?  Well let’s break it down further.

Annoying qualities: I’m obsessive over random things, for random amounts of time. Highly competitive in mundane things. Stubborn. I hate admitting when I’m wrong. Tend to say the wrong things at times. Not openly affectionate. Hold a grudge. Have a short attention span, with everything from hobbies to boys. A shopaholic who spends money I don’t really have (I seem to forget I’m a teacher and therefore perpetually broke). Short-tempered and impatient. Stand-offish at times with people I don’t know yet. Really bad memory. Probably addicted to Starbucks.

Good qualities: I can be naive (wait is that really a good quality?) and sweet. Very loyal friend. Shares well with others (unless it’s food, see below). Always open to new friends. Hates hurting other people. Always interested in new things. Very organized (at least my classroom is very organized). I like to think I’m a quick learner. Like nice things – Coach bags, jewelry from Tiffany & Co. (even though I can’t afford it). Can usually empathize well with others.

Quirks: My accent tends to change based on who I’m talking to (totally not on purpose either, I basically end up having the same accent as whoever is around). Slightly OCD (okay seriously OCD) when it comes to organizing things. I’m weird about sharing my food – I don’t like doing it. I get embarrassed for people that are embarrassed in front of me… so much so that it makes me uncomfortable. I like doing things in 2s, I hate odd numbers.

Let’s put it in a nutshell…

I’m 27, but I look 17, sometimes even younger. I teach kids and sometimes I love it, sometimes I wonder if I’m in the wrong career… isn’t teaching supposed to be a calling? I don’t feel like I was called into anything, I just suddenly became a teacher. I’m not as social as I used to be and most days I’d rather be on the computer, watching TV or curled up with a good book rather than being out and about. But maybe that’s because I don’t have as many friends as I used to, for some reason friends seem to be few and far between. Always have been.

I care too much about what other people think and I let that limit me. I wish I didn’t care, I try to stop myself but it keeps coming back. I don’t think I’ll ever be over that. But at the same time that I want to make people happy, I can be vindictive. I hold a grudge and if I’ve been wronged, I’ll remember. Maybe I’ll be nice again, but I’ll remember…

I like being original. Or at least, I consider myself original… but I tend to pick up on what other people do and so maybe that makes me unoriginal. And I can’t stand it when people copy what I do because it feels like it’s making me less of myself. But that probably makes me hypocritical, because aren’t I doing the same thing?

I share opinions freely, I share work materials without any problem. But don’t even look at my food (especially if it’s yummy like ice cream). And I don’t like sharing my friends – I take it personally when my friends become each other’s friends, mainly because I fear that I’ll get left out in the end. I have issues. But I had it happen to me when I was younger and I guess I never got over it.

I’m impulsive. I do things and spend money on things because I get obsessive, completely and utterly fixated on an idea or a purchase… It’s bad. Let’s not talk about debt, it’s depressing.

I’m not happy with how I look. I used to be skinny, super skinny, to the point that when I was in high school, people thought I was anorexic (I’m not and never was). Now my metabolism changed, I’m getting older and I’m definitely pudgy. That sucks. I miss how I used to look.

I hate being wrong. Hate it. I also can’t stand apologizing, or admitting that I was wrong. I can feel it bubble up in me, I know that I should just ‘fess up but I never can and it’s a horrible kind of person to be. I blame my dad but I should just get over it.

I’m a romantic and I firmly believe that there’s someone out there that compliments me. That belongs with me, without a doubt, to me and me alone. I worry at times that I won’t find him, and all my friends that are happily paired up make me feel like I’ve done something wrong to still be single. I also worry that I’m too content living on my own, living without another person in my life to tell me what to do… Maybe I’m too high maintenance. Too demanding. Too impossible to be with.

But… I’m a good friend. Do you need something.. a shoulder to cry on? An opinion? Starbucks? I’m here for you. I can be creative at times (didja see my Autumn word wall?). I can be pretty silly and I like trying to make people laugh. I’m sure I have more positive qualities, I just can’t remember them right now. But in the end I think I’m a good person. Surely that’s what really counts.

Sigh. Anyway, I guess I don’t know how to describe myself… I’m just me. Or, as my friend Luis said to me the other day… I’m “just confusion in a small package”. And I’m okay with that. :)

Related posts:

1. On being the third wheel… I’ve mentioned previously that I’m perfectly content being single… while...
2. You think you know me… but you have no idea. This is part one of two, in an attempt to...
3. Just call me Little Miss Negative [Note: I hesitated to post this because it feels like...
4. Cooking for two, as I see it… I don’t cook, this has been said numerous times.  I...
5. Recovering… I’m tons better than I was yesterday, phew.  Well, I’d...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.