When is it time to grow up already?

By curiousillusion ( November 25, 2009 at 6:32 pm) · Filed under personal, self, worries

Sometimes I wonder about myself. Okay, maybe it’s not just sometimes, it’s always. It’s just that… I’m 27, going on 28. But I feel like I haven’t accomplished all that I should have accomplished by now. Or, rather than that – I feel that I’m not acting my age enough – that I still feel like I’m living like a college kid or something.

I mean, let’s put it this way. I know plenty of people that are my age that are married and have kids. And while I do want that at some point (definitely, no question), it just feels so far out of my reach right now. It feels like I’m so far away from getting there. I’m ages away from people like that. Instead I’m 27 and living with my parents. And yes, living with my parents is only temporary, and it was made as a good decision to pay down debt for a year… but still. 27 and living with my parents? Really?

I don’t know, I guess I just get jealous. I WANT what those other people have. A husband to come home to, kids to raise. But on the other hand, I can hardly wrap my head around it – I feel like I’m not mature enough to raise a child just yet. I like my sleep – I need 8 hours or I become cranky teacher at work – and people with babies don’t get 8 hours of sleep. People with children need to cook and clean and I don’t do either of those things well or on a regular basis. I look at these people in awe (yes, Beth, you’re one of them) because I don’t know how I’d handle myself in their shoes. I don’t think I *could* handle myself.

I don’t know. Maybe I should leave my lazy college days behind me once and for all – quit lounging around watching TV so much and… do something? Or maybe I should just embrace these days as my last chance at freedom, before I finally do meet that guy that gets me to settle down. Or maybe I should just quit thinking about it all – surely the husband and kids thing will happen when it’s meant to be. Maybe right now I DO need to be living it up while I still can. Who wants to get margaritas with me?! :)

Edited to add: Yes, I am aware – I’m overthinking things. That’s what I do on the blog, I overthink. Because let’s face it, if I weren’t overthinking things, I wouldn’t have anything to blog about. Don’t like it? Don’t read it.

Day 25/30 of NaBloPoMo… thinking too much.

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Kathleen Karluk

ok as cliche as it is "everything happens for a reason" trust me when I say don't rush it! When it does happen you will be soooo READY! On the other hand, I've been a mom for 11+ years and I'm still not mature enough...I might never be. It's true when they say to each his own...I do my thing and it really isn't even close to other moms I know and I am ok with that because my kids are happy and healthy and well rounded. Don't stress yourself out about it...and yes LIVE IT UP WHILE YOU STILL CAN!
ari_b

I feel the same way - especially since I feel like I've taken a step back because I'm divorced. But at the same time, you're doing the responsible thing by living with your parents to pay down debt - my best friend is doing the exact same thing. You have a good job and a career, and that's more than a lot of people our age can say. Where you are in life is not a bad place, and you're definately not like a college kid just because you live with your parents. If anything I'm more of a college kid because I go out to bars a lot of nights (though I don't drink much, I just want to hang out with friends).

No one ever feels truely ready for a kid - it happens and then you grow up.
curiousillusion

I think you and I are on the same page, I feel like I've taken a step back for the same reason.

I wish I had friends to go out to bars with, even though I don't drink much. That would be fun!
Ari_B

I feel the same way - especially since I feel like I've taken a step back because I'm divorced. But at the same time, you're doing the responsible thing by living with your parents to pay down debt - my best friend is doing the exact same thing. You have a good job and a career, and that's more than a lot of people our age can say. Where you are in life is not a bad place, and you're definately not like a college kid just because you live with your parents. If anything I'm more of a college kid because I go out to bars a lot of nights (though I don't drink much, I just want to hang out with friends).

No one ever feels truely ready for a kid - it happens and then you grow up.
Bluebelle

I think when the time is right, you'll be ready. I'm married and although I know we'll want to have kids in the next ten years or so, right now I'm enjoying being able to do what we want - sleeping in, going away for weekends, changing plans at the last minute. Oh yeah, and not cleaning nearly as often as I should...
curiousillusion

Yeah, that's always the good thing about waiting a while before having kids - hope you guys are enjoying yourselves!
Quave

Hmm... you're overthinking.
;)
curiousillusion

May I hit you now?
Kala

I've always been told "you think too much". Well, as long as I'm alive with a fully functioning brain - that is what I'm going to do!
curiousillusion

Well said, I think i'm going to steal that retort!
Lucy

I'm sure the people with the screaming kids wish they were you, and only had themselves to take care of. I think I'll wait until I'm 30-35 before I think of getting married. There's no rush. Have fun :)
curiousillusion

Yeah but kids don't scream all the time. They're cute sometimes. :)
emily jane

I hear you! I have friends who are already married with their second kid on the way, and I'm still renting a place and just engaged. I tend to feel this way about education too - unfortunately I was in a bad situation that didn't allow for me to finish my BA, so I went to work because I had no other choice and now find myself with an unfinished degree trying to compete for the jobs people got their degrees in years ago. But I think that whatever happens happens for a reason. I had the chance to get married several years ago, but it turned into an abusive relationship I was lucky to get out of - if I'd stayed there and got married and bought a house already I would've been trapped, abused and never would've got to the place I am today, or had the experiences I have had. I think until you're ready to give up sleeping and living the way you do (I know I'm hardly the tidiest person, I need my sleep too and I can't cook for toffee!) as much as I want to have a house and kids like my friends do, I just have to be okay with the fact that I'm just not there right now - and enjoy the time I have now for what it is :) These are the years you're not going to get back once you settle down - make the most of them :)

PS. Hi by the way! Looking forward to reading more of your blog :)
curiousillusion

Thanks for saying hi and stopping by! That sounds really hard with the degree situation, and I'm glad you got out of that relationship. I guess we have to make the best of these years while we still can!
last year's girl

I feel like I should add something since you and I are pretty much the same age... This year has been a weird one for me. It was the year I saw myself as finally beginning to embrace the world of "adult" responsibility, getting engaged and thinking about buying a house and all that stuff (kids aren't on mine and Jay's radar though, for various reasons).

And then I lost my job, and now I feel like a student again. Still getting married though. We're going to be like two kids who love each other WITH CAKE.

I totally understand what you're getting at with this post though. Overthinking things? Sure. I do it every single day. And have been, for a long time - you've been reading my "LYG10" posts, right?

xxx
curiousillusion

With cake! Awesome!

Ha ha, glad to know overthinking bloggers are everywhere!
Joe DiMattia

Ari, this is a great post. I think it's terrific you are thinking about these things, I don't believe you are over thinking things at all. Marriage and children are a huge responsibility, yet you are still young and don't fret over meeting that guy. I think it will happen. you seem like a terrific, lovely person, and I think you would make a terrific catch. trying to get out of debt is a lofty goal, I highly recommend Dave Ramsey's The Total Money Makeover. Life changing to say the least. as for your culinary skills, perhaps you could prepare the entire meal once a week for the family, and develop them. Being a good cook helps, but is not essential for catching a man. You can learn to cook even after you are married!
curiousillusion

Thanks Joe. And I've heard good things about Dave Ramsey, I'm just horrible at sticking to anything financial wise. It'll be my goal for 2010.
Heather Rose

This is your blog, and you get to vent, rant and over analyze anything and everything you darn well please. We all have these moments, I think.

I'm happily married, have a little house and plenty o' critters, but I freak out about my career. Am I going to be with this little nonprofit, not really using my art degree, for the rest of my life? People tend to stay here for like 10+ years. It's like family...which is awesome, but I worry. A lot. There are art related jobs out there. I know I qualify, but I'm a wimp.

I'm so scared of change, and having a job in which I'm not really HELPING anybody. Will I have time to volunteer on the side? Auuuugh.

I think, enjoy what you can while you can. Set your goals, and shoot for them. Everything will be alright. Mwah!
curiousillusion

Hee hee, thanks!

I think freaking out, whether it's about your career or something else, is perfectly normal. It happens. And thanks, mwah back!
Pinktattoochick

I've always looked at things as though when it's meant to be it will happen. Don't worry about it. When it's "time" it will happen.

Most mom's don't know what they are doing when they have kids. They learn a long the way and I happen to think some of those are the best.

Enjoy your life right now. :)

By the way I think you'll make a great mother and wife when the time is right.

xoxo
curiousillusion

Aw thanks. :)
Classroom Confessions

I feel the same way all the time. And I too overthink things. It's a curse I swear. All I can say is to take each day as it comes, as cliche as it sounds. Learning to do that is slowly starting to work for me.
curiousillusion

I'm glad to know there's someone else that thinks like me. And I will have to learn to do that too.
billysue

OK, I am about 20 years your senior. Yes, you are going to pay for my Social Security!!! Seriously, do not fall for the "Club of Baby and Hubbie" stuff. Really, those people with babies kinda wished they were still like you, so don't believe for a minute that the grass is greener. Go drink that margarita, ski dive, go traveling, live a full life and if a kid pops up take it on.

P.S. Most good mothers live in a messy house and are not the greatest cooks, but they love their kids and the kids live just fine in a little dirt and a 'lota love. HAVE FUN!
curiousillusion

Ha thanks for the comment, you made me smile. Good point about the PS, makes me feel better! :)
phampants

First off, I would definitely want to get a drink with you. But secondly, you should realize how jealous your friends are with your freedom. You can do whatever you want. Go on an adventure, travel and do things that those who are married & have kids can't.
curiousillusion

Ha maybe you're right. And oooh I would love to travel..
jenny_georgiowho

I think that you are over thinking things as well. I'm a firm believer that what is meant to happen will happen. Sure you have friends, peers, and acquaintances that are getting married/having kids but it doesn't mean that its right for you or that you should be doing the same thing.

I think you did the smart thing by moving in with your parents in order to pay down your debts. It really wouldn't be a good idea to be living on your own, accumlating more and more debt, finding someone and starting a serious relationship and then add more expenses... Like, say you were living on your own and you got a boyfriend who suddenly wanted to propose.

Wow. Now you have to share expenses, debts, and assets. Do you really want to go into a marriage with a heavy debt load?

I think the most important thing is that you are enjoying your life and it doesn't matter if you are single or married, living alone or with your parents...just enjoy your life. It's far too short to compare yourself to where other people are!
curiousillusion

I think you're right, but at the same time... it feels WEIRD. Weird that people are out there, married with kids and I'm not even close. But I'm enjoying life, no worries!
thisisjohnny

i think you're over-thinking things a bit. i'm only 25 but i'm in a similar boat. i've got plenty of peers who have wives, husbands, and children. i've got friends who have houses already. i've got acquaintances who are more advanced in their careers than i am (but i blame that on my previous company).

you have to realize that not everyone is the same, and that what's good for other people (a family and settling down) is not what's good for you. everyone has their own path.

i'm in a similar situation, but i do what kenny chesney says, "sit right here and have another beer in mexico / do my best to waste another day" — i just happen to live in virginia beach instead of mexico. find something that you like (beer and mexico) and enjoy it for now.
curiousillusion

Eh I over think things all the time, it's what I do. And yeah, you're right. Nice quote btw, :)

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