Pushing… too hard?

By curiousillusion ( February 11, 2010 at 10:38 pm) · Filed under personal, work, ,

I have a super pushy parent in my classroom this year.  Scratch that, the majority of the parents this year are super competitive, “my child is a genius, what can I do now to ensure he gets into college?” mentality… but this one takes the cake.  It’s stressing me out, and it’s making me think… gotta hate that.

I mean, maybe I’m just not used to pushy parents because for the previous 4 years, the parents I was dealing with were mostly absent and it was like pulling teeth to get them to even show up for a parent-teacher conference.  This is a whole new world for me, I’m walking on eggshells and constantly being made to feel like what I do isn’t good enough… and when what I’m doing is following the curriculum, then that sucks.

I’m getting sidetracked though.  This one parent.  This one parent is convinced her child is a genius… and because he IS rather gifted (although there *are*other students in the grade that are at a higher level than him), I put him in a program that’s not mandatory for this grade level, but that some other students are also doing. It’s going rather well, except that this one student doesn’t seem as enthused about it as the other kids.  His classmates that are in the program with him are just eating it up and he’d rather play in centers than do it.  I get the impression that while he IS gifted… he’s still only 6 years old.  And even though the other kids like doing more advanced work, he’d rather still act his age.  And to that I want to say… what’s the harm in that?

I’m being vague.  Sorry.  I just feel the need to be vague when I talk about job stuff.

But really… 6 is still so young.  So is 7.  And I just can’t help but think that if he wants to color and draw, or read on his own… and basically be out of the program for a day or two, that’s fine.  Mom doesn’t think that’s fine.  Mom basically isn’t letting him stop for a minute because… well, who knows why because.  I have theories.  But I think she’s going to start stressing him out.  And should a 6 year old be stressed out?

Anyway, it got me thinking… my parents never really pushed me very hard when I was growing up, certainly not academically.  I mean, they definitely wanted me to be a straight A student and Cs were not allowed.. and as a result, I was an A-B student through high school.  But I don’t remember studying an extraordinary amount of time, and I don’t feel like I was pressured that much.  On that note, maybe if they would have pushed me harder, I would be a nurse (like I had originally planned on being), or something more (like a doctor, like they wanted).  Maybe my grades would have been better in college.  Maybe I would have continued on with all the things I gave up on (piano, ice skating).  I don’t know, maybe I *should* have been pushed more?

I think, that when I have a child, I would definitely want to see them succeed, of course.  I like to think that I would push them to be great but I wouldn’t want them to feel pressured, especially at an early age.  My mom keeps telling me that I’m not a mom, that it’s different when I’m a mother… and yeah, I figure.  I’m just so far off the mommy track that it’s starting to feel hopeless, but still.  If my child didn’t want to do something, and I got the impression that the love for it was gone… I would be okay with that.

I just worry, for this child.  He enjoys reading and that’s rare at this age.  I worry that the pressure is going to get to him and he’ll lose that love.  And that would be such a shame.

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  • That's so tough. I'm with you. My mom never really pushed me academically. A's and B's were the regular, except in math. In math I made C's. I tried so hard, but my little brain just wouldn't do it.

    Despite all my efforts, I kept making C's, and my mom and teachers strapped me to the front of a math train, careening towards anxiety and number phobias. In high school I was on a math team. In college, I ran out of a math class, crying. Sobbing, actually.

    Being encouraging and taking time to help your child with their school work is a must, but stressing them out is not something of which I'm a fan.
  • Quave
    It's always difficult, isn't it? Can't really tell the parents what to do, but can't just follow their stressing ways.
    I think though, that there are plenty of other factors that ultimately take us on the path that we end up choosing.
  • I never understood the pressure put on kids, especially at that young an age. Does she realize that if she pushes too hard, her kid might end up resenting school and actually do worse? It makes me sad that parents sometimes put their kids' happiness last.
  • Wow, that mom sounds a little out of control. I agree with you, kids shouldn't be pushed to do things they hate. They will have to do things they hate their whole lives, why start so early? I hope that this poor kid catches a break!
  • Alicia
    I agree with you. I was raised the same way. My parents expected good grades, not great grades. And I never felt pressure from them. I haven't completed college, and I think the lack of expectations has something to do with that. I am not a mother either, but I think there needs to be a level of expectation there...no stress, especially not for a 6 year old. But again, I am with you, if my kid doesn't want to do something and there was no love there...i would be okay with it. I want them happy. What good is a great education if they aren't happy in life too!?!?
  • ::hugs::

    Teacher to teacher...::HUGS::

    The world that we live in
  • soozun
    I think at that age, 6-7 yrs old (and even older!) they need to be allowed to be kids and have ample play time, burn off energy, etc. They also need to find their own way & discover their own interests.
    It sounds like you are working in a good school district, but like the one that we are in...too many entitled parents that think their kids always have to be #1!
    I don't push my son and I have always told him that if he feels that we are putting too much pressure on him to tell us to back off ~ it seems to have worked. He is in HS now, loves being in band, makes wonderful grades and values his education. Unfortunately, I think the school (and society) puts more pressure on him than we do...like test scores, TAKS, PSAT, class ranking...it all seems a bit much! I say quality over quantity!
  • ari_b
    I don't agree with pushing kids to hard - academics, sports, beauty pagents, whatever. It makes them loose their childhood. Kids should be kids - especially at 6! He has the rest of his life to overachieve - let him have some fun now!!
  • justtheashes
    I feel the same way about my kids. You can't push so hard that they hate something. Feed the passion
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