curiousillusion

On Saturday it was a beautiful day, the kind of day where you want to be outside – the sun was shining but it wasn’t oppressively hot yet, just pleasantly warm and breezy.  I had gotten out of the house to run a few errands but I figured I’d make a stop first and visit a nearby park.  I brought some lunch with me and sat down at a picnic table overlooking the pond… it was so perfect.

After I ate, I wandered around a bit, got out the macro lens and went looking for flowers to photograph.  I didn’t care about what other people thought of me, that strange person wandering around in a field with a camera.  I just wanted to get my pictures.

It was so amazingly lovely. One of those moments where I felt happy to be able to enjoy it on my own and at the same time, wished that I had someone to share it with. Lately I’ve been a bundle of confused emotions (well, always, but more so these days) but eventually I sat down in the middle of the field, closed my eyes and felt the sun beaming down on me.  And I felt warm.. and content.

And then the moment passed, as it is prone to do… my bottom felt wet as the ground was still damp from a heavy rain a few days before.  Bugs were buzzing around, making me nervous. I felt self-conscious again.  I looked longingly at the people that were walking around *together* and felt bummed out that I don’t have anyone to walk around with.

I want to go back to this place more often, now that the weather is nice… with my camera and maybe a book to read. While it would be nice to have someone to go to the park *with*… and that seems to be a reoccuring theme in my mind and life lately, I’m going to do my best to enjoy it on my own. It’s kind of hard not to.

[Sidebar: I find it hard sometimes to write whatever I want to write here.  Especially coming off a week or two straight where all I posted was pictures... I guess I get embarrassed writing about myself sometimes.  But I figure this is my space, I should write what comes into my head (and yesterday's topic was a free flowing dialogue in my head that I just happened to write down and post) because it's life. Life gets embarrassing.]

Anyway, on to other topics. I should have posted this yesterday but… well, there’s quite a few reasons why it didn’t happen. But I’m posting it now so… yay?

Sunday was a big event… the Baylor vs Duke game.  Now normally a Baylor game isn’t a big deal, and Baylor is definitely NOT known for their sports (or rather, they’re known for not being good at sports)… but miracle of miracles, Baylor men’s basketball made it into the Sweet Sixteen round of March Madness.  And then they made it into the Elite Eight.  Both the Sweet Sixteen and Elite Eight were held right here in town and after they blew away St. Mary’s, I decided I HAD to go to the next game.  Minutes after they won, I had bought tickets online ($25, baby!).

I’m kind of mad at myself that I didn’t take my D90.  In fact, I’m REALLY mad. I was nervous that they would try to take it away/make me leave it in the car and I don’t think they cared that much. Grrr. Ah well, you gotta make do with what you have. And here’s what I have (warning: not a lot… teeny tiny iPhone pictures that mess with the consistancy of my blog and make me rawr some more):

The sign in front of Reliant Stadium.. woohoo!

The view from the cheap seats… don’t be jealous!  This is pre-game, hence the empty seats.  Apparently there was over 49,000 people in attendance. Or was it 47,000?  Crap I forgot.

We moved seats to get a better view… and it was nicer here because we were surrounded with tons of Baylor fans.

Baylor’s in the lead, woohoo!

And, unfortunately, it went downhill from there.  Baylor ended up losing to Duke, 78-71… it was such a let down, especially because even though Duke was good, it looked like we had a possibility of winning.  Ah well.  It was tons of fun, I haven’t been to a Baylor game since I was AT Baylor (nearly 6 year ago, dang), and there was a lot of Baylor people there with tons of school spirit, even after we lost, so that was neat.  I was all decked out too… wore my Baylor shirt and had my hair in pigtails with green and gold ribbons in them, I totally looked like I was still in college!

Now bring on next year… next year the Final Four round will be held here apparently, and I hope to be able to watch the game feature Baylor! Sic ‘em Bears! :)

“You’re so lucky”, I get told all the time. “You don’t have these boyfriend problems.” I hear it over and over, from the girls at work, who are usually fretting and fussing about what their significant other has done this time.

“You’re happy,” they tell me, assuming that because I’m not in a relationship, because I’m not dealing with what they are dealing with, my life must be perfect.

Sometimes I appreciate being single. I enjoy the freedom it gives me, the possibilities I have and I am, actually, happy.

But then sometimes I just want more. I want to hold someone’s hand. I want to be able to vent after I’ve had a bad day and have someone hold me. I want someone to be waiting for me. I want… a lot.

It’s okay. I know it. I’m okay. But still…

Is that so much to ask for?

Week 12 of project three sixty five.  I surprisingly don’t have much to say about my pictures this week.

day seventy eight – the paintbrush. Home from Alabama and the first thing I do is take pictures of flowers again.  Man I’m original.  I just can’t resist them… and the bokeh here makes me think of a painting!

day seventy nine – you are the key to your own success.  It was a cold, rainy day and I didn’t want to go outside for a shot so I was looking around for something to shoot. Then I remembered a fortune cookie that I got at the airport, since my plane back from Alabama arrived 30 minutes early and I got Panda Express while waiting for my mom.  I kind of like how this came out.  And the fortune is perfect.

Day eighty is a self portrait of me so, as always, you’ll have to check out my flickr page to see it if you’d like. :)

day eighty one – you’re taking pics of me again?  Didn’t know what to take pictures of, luckily my cat is always around. :)

day eighty two – little one. Playing with a teeny blossom I pulled off the tree and my macro lens.

day eighty three – swing.  Rain rain… equals droplets.  Which equals me crouched on the floor outside the house looking for the right one to photograph.  I wasn’t thrilled with this one but I do like how the background came out.

day eighty four – the flowers are in bloom at starbucks.  Or at least on MY cup.  I spent quite a bit of time drawing these flowers, but the shot didn’t turn out like I hoped.  When do they ever?

What better way to say goodbye to Alabama (a week after I left, but still) but than with one more round of pictures from the trip. Here are some random shots that I have a soft spot for.

View from the airplane on the way to Alabama. I was so tempted to whip the camera around and take a picture of the guy I met.. but I didn’t. *kicks self*

Some blossoms on a tree found on our trip around her neighorhood.

I love railroad tracks and really wanted us to get some shots with them.  Unfortunately we ran out of time/had the little one in the car but I was able to snap a few shots on our way to the airport.

And the last shot, taken… you guessed it, on the way to the airport.  I loved that Georgia sign and had really wanted a shot of it, for some random reason.

And that wraps up spring break twenty ten, a great time spent in Alabama.  I have to give a million thank yous to Beth, for letting me stay at her house, driving me around (including a 4 hour round trip to the airport, twice), and stopping a million times to let me take pictures. I had SO much fun and I hope we can get together again sometime soon!

There’s something about Alabama.. when you look for them, these little abandoned places are everywhere.  Anyway, after our adventure in the abandoned house, we both were really excited about it.  The day that I was to leave for the airport, we decided to shoot a few pictures first.  And we happened upon this place:

Isn’t it awesome??

Played with the color tones here… it looks like a crutch or a lounge chair on the front porch?  And the doors were wide open so surely it was abandoned, right?

Isn’t it deliciously creepy?  Oh and this time we did not go inside… Beth didn’t have her camera with her (dang her!) and I wasn’t brave enough to get out of the car without her!  What a find though… we don’t have this sort of thing in Texas… at least not where I live.

I think I’m addicted now, I’d love to find more similar places to shoot. Maybe another trip to Alabama is in order!

So in the last post of this abandoned house, I mentioned that we decided to go inside.  In truth, it was more like Beth was taking pictures and all of a sudden she goes, “I have to go inside” while I’m standing there thinking, omg really?!? She went in and took pictures while I stayed outside and then when she came back out… I decided to go in.  I mean, doesn’t it seem inviting? :)

This shot is super grainy because… well it was dark in this part of the house.  Like, really dark, you could barely see anything.  Which was really freaky, so I only got this one shot and then left… I didn’t stay long enough to figure out HOW to get a better shot, lol! I had to brighten up this shot in photoshop but you know, I think the grain makes it feel even creepier.

It was remarkable to me that amongst all this rust and decay, there was still new life growing.

Even happy little daffodils want to be here.

And then, when you look at it like that… doesn’t it seem beautiful after all?

Last week, when I was in Alabama, I mentioned that Beth and I found this great abandoned house that we took pictures of.  I loved the pictures, I have *always* wanted to take pictures of an abandoned house before but never had the opportunity before. Anyway, I figured they deserved a blog post of their own but there are SO many pictures that I love that I’m devoting two blog posts to it.

I have to preface this by saying that Beth is way braver than I ever could be.  My fear was that the house wasn’t as abandoned as we thought it would be, that someone was still living inside and was about to come outside and… well, that’s where my imagination ran wild.  Suffice it to say I was on edge while we were there… but at the same time, I was loving it.  I mean, this place was a treasure trove for pictures:

The front porch. I kind of think this house probably looked really pretty back in the day.

Beth being brave… I was keeping my distance at first!

Calendar on the wall says 1996… has this house really been abandoned for 14 years?

And then… we decided to go in.

To be continued…

The unofficial theme of the week appears to be colors, as each picture appears to be uniquely colored… at least to my eyes.  Purple, black, pink, blue-green, yellow, blue, brown. I kind of love it.  I also think that this week, week 11, was the most diverse when it comes to subject matter.  A trip to Alabama will do the trick, I guess!

day seventy one – purple.  I hadn’t taken any pictures all day (had something in mind and it fell through), so last minute I turned around and caught this view out the window. Yay, purple sunset saves the day!

day seventy three – Hi, I’m a Mac. After waiting for what seems like forever (I’ve wanted a MacBook for I think 3 years or more, I’ve been waiting for months to for the new one to come out… still hasn’t been announced so I gave up), I finally went and got my MacBook Pro.  It is instant love, and I am definitely happy with it.

day seventy three – feel the light. A neighbor nearby got these flowers to put by her front door and I couldn’t resist busting out the macro lens and taking a few shots.

day seventy four – awww. While in Alabama visiting my friend Beth, I couldn’t resist taking pictures of her adorable son.

day seventy five – amber waves of something… Still in Alabama, this broomstraw (as it is apparently called) caught my eye in the sunlight.

day seventy six – abandoned. This is from the abandoned house that Beth and I explored.  I have a lot more pictures from this outing and I can’t wait to post pictures of them – expect a blog post or two about this trip next week.

day seventy seven – beauty and the beast.  Last picture from my Alabama trip, this was taken on the way to the airport.  I was taking some pictures of the railroad tracks when this rusted barbed wire fence caught my eye.

I mentioned meeting a guy on my trip and I have had people left and right ask for more details, of which I have given few. Part of it is loving having these memories all snug and warm in my heart, where no one can tear them apart. And part of it is that I don’t think my blog is the right place to talk about the specifics.

But I will say one quick thing about that guy, and then I’m done… he is the first guy that I’ve been with that I’ve been able to be completely honest with, completely myself with. A while back I had realized that in all my previous relationships, I was never ME. I was always trying to be what I thought they wanted me to be, or I was just hiding a part of myself. And maybe it was just because I thought I was never going to see him again or maybe it’s because of who he is… but with this guy, I didn’t have that problem. It’s refreshing. It’s remarkable.

That being said, I’m pretty sure that chapter is closed. A very short chapter, some might even consider it merely worthy of a small footnote, but I think it was rather significant and deserves a separate place in my life. About an hour talking in airports, two hours talking on a plane, and six hours talking the next night… and every time I think about him and everything that happened, I smile. A big smile, that warms me up inside, that stays with me as I sleep. Because, if nothing else… I am left with wonderful memories, and hope. And hope is powerful.