curiousillusion

Stupid NaBloPoMo.  I mean, it’s been very good about getting me back in the habit of blogging regularly, and I appreciate that.  But days like today, when I remember to blog when I’m about to run out the door for the night, sucks.  Especially because what’s there to say?  And, on the day after Christmas (when most people are hanging out with their families/not hanging out on the internet), who really cares about what little I have to say?

Anyway, my day after Christmas was spent very nicely.  I got to sleep in and just relax with the family.  We sent up the new wii that my mom got (she had wanted wii fit) and we got to try it out – I had never played with the wii so it was a brand new experience for me.  And now that it’s here, I’m tempted to go out and get a video game or two to play… why not, right?

Oh and for the record, I tested out the wii fit and it told me I had a normal BMI and that my wii fit age was 26 (aka one year younger than my actual age).  Not too shabby at all.  See, who needs a gym membership?

Okay, so that’s about it for me.  Blah.  I’m actually going out for a change tonight… amazing, eh?  :o)

So big day for me today… I went to the gym to cancel my membership.  I had made the decision a few weeks ago to quit, mainly because a) I never go anymore but more importantly because b) I figured I could save the money and put it to better use.  However I was utterly terrified of going… have you seen that episode of Friends where Chandler goes to quit the gym and Ross ends up joining, because they get pressured and they can’t say no?  Yeah, I figured it would be that painful.

However, it was easy.  I went, they printed out a cancellation form and I just have to mail it in.  My brother thinks that most people don’t bother to mail it in and so that’s why you can’t cancel in person… that it’s not really as easy as it seems.  But I was expecting them to really push me to stay, offer me a discount or something.  Nope.  They just asked why I was canceling and said okay.  Hmmm.

Meanwhile, in other news…the Glee soundtrack is out!  Granted, I have all but 3 of the songs but I got to download the last 3 and I’m happy.  Especially because one of the songs is Defying Gravity, from the musical Wicked.  I will admit I like the Broadway version of the song better though… Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenoweth rock my world.  But it’s still a good song.  My favorite line from the song?   “I’m through accepting limits ’cause someone says they’re so.”  I think that’s pretty powerful.

On that note, I had a thought the other day.  I worry too much about what other people think.  I’m going to get over it.  In fact, I’m determined.  Like this blog, for example.  I don’t post about it on Facebook (other than on the fan page) because I don’t want too many people to read it – I’m embarrassed about what people would think if they read this.  But why should I care, right?  This is me, take it or leave it.  I shouldn’t feel bad about what I post here.  I think.

And on THAT note, stay tuned for tomorrow’s blog post… it’s something I’ve been working on for the past 2 weeks and should be very *revealing*.  (Get your minds out of the gutter now please.)

Day 3/30 for NaBloPoMo… check! :)

I came upon the re-realization the other day that this blog is such a disjointed mess at times.  I say “re-realization” because I think I realized the situation when I first created this blog, many moons ago (okay so what, only 7 or 8 moons ago?).

I read a lot of blogs through my google reader and a lot of them are themed – a good chunk are tech-oriented, I have some photography bogs that I read and there is one beauty-related blog I like to peruse.  A couple are family-specific blogs and while that might be something I could do in the future, it certainly isn’t an option any time soon (gotta find me a boy first).

Why do I bring this up?  I guess because sometimes I feel that this blog is just all over the place.  For a while the main focus was my project 365 pictures, but that tapered off… then my getting healthy goals became a part of the blog (and then just as quickly, disappeared)… Sometimes I’ll write about movies I’ve seen, or books I’ve read… other times I’ll talk about my job.  This blog seems to be as ADD as I seem to be.  I’ve decided that’s okay.  It fits my personality, and that can’t be bad.  It does make it hard to figure out what to write about sometimes, but whatever.

So, on that note… here are some bullet points to sum up the day:

• Had my observation today… it went far too short but the kids seemed engaged and were well-behaved, so that’s good.  Didn’t get a chance to hear from the admin how it went, I don’t think I’ll know for a few days.  I’m a bit nervous…. I had the thought today that while the admin is nice, I seem to not put my best face on around her, completely not on purpose.  It’s hard to explain, but I just don’t think she has the best impression of me.   Which sucks.
• My mom finally agreed with me that it would be a good idea to quit the gym and use the money for paying down my car.  Yay.  Now I just gotta get up the courage to go quit. According to my contract, if I give them notice 20 days before the billing date, I won’t get penalized. So I’m going to go the day after the next time they bill me.
• We are now in the part of Fall that I don’t like.. it was in the upper 50s when I left for work (brrr!) and then when it was time to leave work, it was about 80 degrees. That’s such a wide range in temperatures.  If it’s cold, I want it to stay cold all day.  If it’s going to be warm, it should be warm all day.  Makes it hard to dress for the day!
• I have somehow whittled down my TV viewing list to only THREE shows a week.  That’s like, incredible.  Usually I average 6+ shows each season.  Currently the only shows I’m watching are How I Met Your Mother, Glee & FlashForward.  Love them!
• There are no movies coming out that I have any desire to see.  None.  Okay maybe 2012 because John Cusack is in it.  But beyond that, nothing.  How boring!!
• Oh uh… if you haven’t, it would be great if you could click to become a fan on Facebook! Mkaythanks! :)

So uh… do you think it’s okay that my blog is a disjointed mess?  Should I try to organize it a bit better, blog about certain things on certain days or something?  Or should I just embrace the chaos?

So yeah.  You may remember that a few months ago I made the decision to try to become a bit more healthier.  People had been commenting that it appeared that I had gained weight, and I had indeed found a bit more tummy on myself than I previously used to have.  Plus I was drinking 3 sodas a day, surviving on fast food and the little I could cook (ie pasta)… not the greatest combination.

In that time I’ve accomplished a few of the goals I set for myself.  Unfortunately, not all of them.  I quit drinking soda and while I indulge myself in a small bit every now and then (or, in the case of Monday, my parents made me drink Sprite cuz my tummy was upset), but I don’t rely on it, and I certainly don’t drink it every day anymore.  Maybe 1 soda every few weeks, which I figure is acceptable.

The food thing has changed too since I live at home – I very rarely eat out.  I mean, it’s like the soda thing – maybe once every few weeks I’ll go to Taco Cabana or something, but other than that, it’s home-cooked meals for me.  So that’s a plus.

The gym thing though… that didn’t work out so well.  I was doing so well with it, going 4 times a week, until work kicked back in.  Working a full day of work with 23 kindergarten students just sucks the life out of me, there’s no way around it.  Plus driving 30 minutes each way in Houston traffic… I’m sorry but I’m exhausted by the time I get out of work.  And a lot of times I stay at work late to prepare for the next day or the week ahead, so there are times when I don’t get home from work til 6pm.  I haven’t been to the gym in a month.

So for the past few weeks I’ve been thinking about quitting… but my mom keeps bringing it up.  “Are you going to exercise today?” she asks me every single day. And yesterday she came into my room and said, “I thought about it and I think you should go do your exercises (that’s what she calls going to the gym) 3 times a week.”  Suffice it to say, she’s the reason why I haven’t quit yet.

Honestly though?  Maybe it’s time.  My dad being unemployed but financially stable for the next few months made me realize how financially UNSTABLE I am… and how my whole goal in living with my parents was to pay down debt and save money.  The money that I’m paying for the gym and the trainer could be money used to pay off debt faster.  Isn’t that better?

Btw, I didn’t sign a year contract so technically I should be able to get out of it, although I know they’ll give me grief. The trainer cost might be harder to get out of, because I saw 2 different contracts and I don’t know if I’m locked into a contract or not with them.  Weird. But I’d really like to try to get out of it – especially because, if I’m not going to go, it’s definitely a waste of money.  Maybe I can inspire myself to start jogging again?  I mean, even walking would be good for me, right?  I could totally walk around the neighborhood with my iPod.  Much cheaper than a gym.

Now I just need to tell my mom.   Sigh.

So I had decided that I needed to get better at blogging… and I was totally going to try to post some decent blog posts, starting today.  Unfortunately that all changed when I got sick today.  Boo.  So here’s a mini update of what’s going on:

• Being sick sucks.  The end.  I spent all day at work feeling queasy and then about a half hour before the kids were to be dismissed… well, let’s just say I realized that it was time for me to go home.   The nurse said there’s a stomach bug going around, along with the flu… I’m hoping I’ll be back to normal by tomorrow.  Actually I’m hoping I’ll be back to normal like RIGHT NOW but… as long as I’m able to work tomorrow, that’ll be fine.  I only get 5 sick days for the whole year and I don’t want to start using them now…
• I’m thinking I should cancel my membership with the gym.  I haven’t been in 3 or 4 weeks and I only went 3 times in all of September.  That’s a waste of money.  Plus my parents were discussing money the other day and I realized how much I want to get out of debt.  The money being spent on the gym could go towards paying down my car.  My only concern is, I wonder how hard it will be to quit the gym.  I’ve always heard horror stories.
• The weather here in Texas is getting tiresome.  This weekend a cold front blew through and it was chilly… perfect weather for October.  Now it’s warming back up and it’s supposed to be up to 88 on Thursday.  Another cold front is supposed to blow through this Friday… I’m hoping this one sticks.  I’m ready for Autumn weather.
• I think I’m giving up on a few TV shows.  House is boring me, this season has been tiresome so tonight will be the last night I will give it a chance.  Grey’s Anatomy is also getting on my nerves… I loved the first few seasons but it’s become a completely different show and I’m not interested in it anymore.  None of the characters appeal to me.  I also think I need to give up on Dollhouse, only because I *know* it’s about to get canceled and I hate getting attached to TV shows that leave me.
• I miss taking pictures.  More than that, I’m disappointed in myself, that I quit project 365.  When I look at how far I came, how many days in a row I didn’t miss a picture (I never missed a picture until I quit.  Not once.), I wish I would have stuck it out.  I also wish I wouldn’t have let it become a chore.  I keep looking at other people’s pictures and wishing I could shoot like that again.  Sigh.  Maybe one day.  For now I’m still taking my break from my camera… hopefully the desire and inspiration will kick in soon.
• I’m starting to get lonely.  I’m not depressed or tragically lonely… but I still don’t have many friends here.  And it’s been a looong time since I’ve had a guy in my life.  And while I was happy with that for a while, now I’m starting to get restless.  Especially because.. how on earth am I ever going to meet a guy?  But more on that another day…

Enjoyed the long three day weekend, but today it was back to work – and I just felt like I was on the go, all day long! The kids were pretty good though so that made it okay.  Plus people were nice to me today at work… not sure what that was about but I’ll take it!

The weekend went pretty well.  I ended up going to that BBQ thing that some co-workers were throwing… there wasn’t that many people there, actually, and it was less fun than I was expecting… but it was still nice to get out of the house and hang out with people my own age, have good conversation.

I went back to the gym today, first time in 3 weeks or so.  Gulp.  Time for monthly trainer session and this time there was a new girl, we shall call her trainer chick.  She was pretty fun and we had some good conversation about working out.  We were discussing an article I read about how working out kind of backfires because when you workout, you tend to eat more, which basically negates any exercise you’ve done.  And I have noticed that I had been eating more… and now that I’m back at school, I’m snacking too much again. But she thinks I can get down to what I want by working out 3-4 a week (20mins cardio, 30mins weight training) and not eating more than I usually do. Makes sense to me.  Let’s see if it works.  Let’s see if I can get back into the habit of going to the gym on a regular basis.  I’m aiming for 3x a week to begin with again.

I can do it!  5 pounds, just a little bit of extra weight around my middle… I’m determined again!  I think..

Sigh.  I’m such a bad blogger.  A bad blogger, a bad project 365-er, a bad blog friend… sigh.  I’m feeling guilty about it all too.  But just too exhausted to really do anything about it.

I guess I just haven’t had much to blog about except how tired I am.  That’s such a thrilling topic to read.  I haven’t blogged about project 365 because my pictures are AWFUL… I’ve been taking pictures but lately it’s been one of those “last minute, oh my word find something to take a picture of now, the iphone is a good a camera as any” shots.  Sigh.

My bad-ness doesn’t end there, however.  I’m a bad gym go-er… I haven’t been in 2 weeks.  I was doing so well about working out during the summer, but as soon as work started, I just got so tired that I haven’t had the energy to go.  I get in my car after work and just collapse, I can barely make it home.  I’m doing okay about eating healthy – still no soda, only packing healthy lunches… but Starbucks has found its way back into my heart.  I just need it, okay?  It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy in the morning, wakes me up, helps me be happy, patient teacher. That makes it okay, right?  I’ve switched from the caramel frapps (w/extra caramel) to my vanilla chai tea latte so I figure that’s somewhat healthier.  Much less sugar.

Meanwhile today I had a good news sort of day… got an email from a co-worker that was arranging a get together for a bunch of us on Monday.  These aren’t the co-workers that were mean to me – heck, they weren’t even invited – these are teachers that work at the high school level and I rarely get to see them.  But they’re nice and my age and I’m invited so I guess I’ll go cuz… sweet.  Friends would be nice, I’m in desperate need of friends.  I’m feeling far too reclusive lately as my one friend in town never wants to get out of the house to do something.  It’s getting lonely.

Rawr.  September is off to an interesting start.  All sorts of thoughts just popped into my head… thoughts about my dSLR woes, iPhone adoration (though I’m still very impatiently awaiting MMS), reclusive ways… perhaps I will start posting more often!

I’m feeling exhausted.  I haven’t been sleeping my normal 8 hours every night (and I need my 8 hours) and it’s starting to wear on me – I nearly fell asleep during a lecture at work today.  Tonight I need to put the iPhone DOWN and go to bed at a reasonable hour (that being said, the iPhone was only reasonable for last night… my sleep schedule has been out of whack since before Oregon).   And for the record – yes, still in love with the iPhone.  There are some things that could be improved – I miss having a profile that I would set my phone to when I sleep so that I wouldn’t get email alerts, plus the blackberry was a lot more customizable when it came to basically everything… background, sounds, etc – but I wouldn’t change it for the world. :) 

[Edited to add: oh my word.  I just tested out a new feature that my bank (the fabulous USAA) just rolled out - Deposit@Mobile.  You take a picture of both sides of a check and BAM, instant deposit into your bank account. Have I mentioned that I love my iPhone? Pure awesomeness!]

Meanwhile work is… weird.  The past 3 years I worked with the same people, my friends, and I was used to always having someone to sit next to, someone to talk to, someone to eat with… now I feel so alone. I mean, I’m getting to know people but it’s not the same.  Half the time I just feel awkward and dumb.

Then there’s working out – in that, I haven’t. I’m still doing okay on the eating healthy front but I haven’t worked out since last Monday – I was in Oregon (and I did hike a few times so that counts, right?) for 6 days and didn’t have time.  I wanted to go today after work but I was just so exhausted… I need to get back into the hang of it.  This weekend. I’ll start this weekend.

Plus I feel like I’m playing catch up – my google reader count is at 200… 200 posts of friends whose blogs I usually try to comment on.  I think I’m going to just clear the count and then start back up on commenting tomorrow.  Sorry to my friends, who I’ve been neglecting.  I always need a vacation from a vacation, you know?

So yesterday marked 1 month since I’ve been going to the gym (well technically 1 month and 1 day) and I got measured to see my progress.  Unfortunately, there is very little progress to speak of, and I should see more results after another month or two.  But there is *some* news:

• I’ve gained 2lbs.  However, I’ve been told by the trainer that the 2lbs I gained are actually muscle, and he knows that because…
• I dropped .02% in body fat.  That’s not a lot but it’s a start… and the more muscle I gain, the more body fat I’ll lose.  Hopefully.
• Cute trainer wants me to start pushing myself more: 40 minutes of cardio instead of 30, more reps and less time resting between sets.   I’m really going for it too – I want to see results.  I’ve also been told I need to do one high impact cardio class a week, namely spin.  I’m going to start after I get back from Oregon.  No excuses.
• Unfortunately I’m also less motivated to go to the gym, I guess because now I don’t have specific times to meet a trainer.  It’s become far too easy for me to say “I’ll go tomorrow”.  I’m still trying to go 4x a week, although my trip to Oregon might make that a bit difficult.

In other news, my dad just found out that the job he’s working on finishes at the end of this month.  Which is bad because as of right now he doesn’t have a job to work on after the current one ends and having a job is kind of important.  Plus lately the industry he’s in (don’t ask me for details cuz I don’t know them) is kinda tough-going.  I hope it all works out and soon.

Meanwhile, in cryptic news… I’m letting something bother me that I shouldn’t. I have this annoying habit of worrying about what people think and caring when others obviously doesn’t… and even though I tell myself that “if they don’t care, I don’t care”… I care.  And it hurts, and it gets to me.  I need to just let it go.  Life is too short to be upset over things I can’t change… and to have friends that treat me badly and don’t really care about me.  I deserve better.

Today makes 3 months that I’ve been blogging.  This is post #101.  I’ve had a blast blogging, I love it and I love getting to know so many other bloggers… y’all are so much fun.  However, I’ve been blogging daily for the past 3 months and I think that in order to not completely wear myself out, I’m going to start giving myself a day off from blogging every week.  I think from now on I’m not going to post on Saturdays, unless I have something that can’t wait.  Knowing me, I’ll have an excuse every Saturday, but that’s my goal.

I mentioned this on my Flickr already – on Monday I was so excited about getting a new job because I thought that meant I was closer to finally getting my dSLR.  However, I just learned that, due to an unfortunately large gap (6 weeks) between my last paycheck from my old job and my first paycheck at my new job, I’m going to have to dip into savings in order to pay bills during that time.  Which is okay because that’s why I have savings and I’m proud of myself for being responsible enough to be prepared… but at the same time that pushes back my purchase date.  I’m thinking it won’t be until mid-October at the earliest.. and even then, that might be wishful thinking, as I think I might still be a few hundred dollars short.  Major bummer but when I finally get my dSLR, it’ll be all the more sweeter.  Or so I’ve been told.

My situation at the gym changed as of last week and I’ve been meaning to write about it but I haven’t had time.  First of all, my useless trainer quit, which kind of worked out well… and I got to know another trainer who seems nice.  However, remember how I signed up for only 1x a month?  Yeah that really means only 1 training session a month, and all the times the trainers have been working with me, they didn’t realize what I had signed up for… so basically they were accidentally training me for free.  It’s all good though, they’ll still tell me what machines to do, etc… but I won’t have one-on-one training time until the beginning of each month.  Unless cute trainer decides to be nice, and I think he will be, whenever he has time.

I’m getting excited because in a week from tomorrow, I’m traveling to Oregon for a cousin’s wedding.  I haven’t been there since I was a kid and I’m looking forward to all the photo opportunities it will bring.  I had been hoping to bring a new dSLR with me but I think my dad will let me borrow his occasionally (hopefully) so that’s a start.  I’d really like to go to the coast but it’s a long drive and I’m not sure if anyone will go with me, or if there will be time.

The day after I return from Oregon, I start right up at work at my new job, which means summer is over – wow it flew by.  I’m getting nervous about school starting up again – in fact, I was getting nervous about the job again today… well, until I saw the kindergarten classrooms.  Wow, they are beautiful.  I have never seen a more gorgeous classroom – it was colorful, HUGE and already had a lot of supplies.  I will definitely have to take pictures of it once I “move in”.   I think this will be a good year, I hope… I’m a bit disappointed that I didn’t get into a school district close to home, which would have offered me more perks and benefits (and money, sniffle), but there’s always next year, if need be.  My mom is still bugging me, I think she’s hoping a better school will come a-calling but she’s dreaming.

Meanwhile, it looks like I’ll be living with my parents through the school year.  Financially, it makes sense – if I stay with them I can save/pay off debt (hello, you can’t beat $100 rent!) while if I move out, I’ll be struggling to make ends meet again. I’m okay with it though, it’s not too bad… so far.

Frick this got long.  Sorry.  If you made it through the whole post, go treat yourself to a cookie. :)