curiousillusion

I have a super pushy parent in my classroom this year.  Scratch that, the majority of the parents this year are super competitive, “my child is a genius, what can I do now to ensure he gets into college?” mentality… but this one takes the cake.  It’s stressing me out, and it’s making me think… gotta hate that.

I mean, maybe I’m just not used to pushy parents because for the previous 4 years, the parents I was dealing with were mostly absent and it was like pulling teeth to get them to even show up for a parent-teacher conference.  This is a whole new world for me, I’m walking on eggshells and constantly being made to feel like what I do isn’t good enough… and when what I’m doing is following the curriculum, then that sucks.

I’m getting sidetracked though.  This one parent.  This one parent is convinced her child is a genius… and because he IS rather gifted (although there *are*other students in the grade that are at a higher level than him), I put him in a program that’s not mandatory for this grade level, but that some other students are also doing. It’s going rather well, except that this one student doesn’t seem as enthused about it as the other kids.  His classmates that are in the program with him are just eating it up and he’d rather play in centers than do it.  I get the impression that while he IS gifted… he’s still only 6 years old.  And even though the other kids like doing more advanced work, he’d rather still act his age.  And to that I want to say… what’s the harm in that?

I’m being vague.  Sorry.  I just feel the need to be vague when I talk about job stuff.

But really… 6 is still so young.  So is 7.  And I just can’t help but think that if he wants to color and draw, or read on his own… and basically be out of the program for a day or two, that’s fine.  Mom doesn’t think that’s fine.  Mom basically isn’t letting him stop for a minute because… well, who knows why because.  I have theories.  But I think she’s going to start stressing him out.  And should a 6 year old be stressed out?

Anyway, it got me thinking… my parents never really pushed me very hard when I was growing up, certainly not academically.  I mean, they definitely wanted me to be a straight A student and Cs were not allowed.. and as a result, I was an A-B student through high school.  But I don’t remember studying an extraordinary amount of time, and I don’t feel like I was pressured that much.  On that note, maybe if they would have pushed me harder, I would be a nurse (like I had originally planned on being), or something more (like a doctor, like they wanted).  Maybe my grades would have been better in college.  Maybe I would have continued on with all the things I gave up on (piano, ice skating).  I don’t know, maybe I *should* have been pushed more?

I think, that when I have a child, I would definitely want to see them succeed, of course.  I like to think that I would push them to be great but I wouldn’t want them to feel pressured, especially at an early age.  My mom keeps telling me that I’m not a mom, that it’s different when I’m a mother… and yeah, I figure.  I’m just so far off the mommy track that it’s starting to feel hopeless, but still.  If my child didn’t want to do something, and I got the impression that the love for it was gone… I would be okay with that.

I just worry, for this child.  He enjoys reading and that’s rare at this age.  I worry that the pressure is going to get to him and he’ll lose that love.  And that would be such a shame.

I’m feeling kinda cranky.  About quite a few things.  So instead of coming up with a well-written blog post, I shall write… bullet points.  And… even better… I’m going to write bullet points on what is currently making me cranky.  Whee!

It makes me cranky…

• when a parent gives me grief for something that is out of my control.  I’m not going to go into details but let’s just say that some people need to realize that their attitude and words hurt.  Just when I was starting to feel like a good teacher, my parade gets rained on.
• when the same parent passes on her disappointment to her child.  Now I’ve got grief coming from both sides.  There’s nothing quite like a blase kindergartner acting bored all day long.
• when something I want (*cough MacBook Pro cough*) is suddenly further from my reach, due to Apple probably coming out with a newer version soon.  And by soon it could be like 2 months away.  Do they not realize I’m the most impatient person in the world?  Did they really have to start rumors of a new MacBook when I’m thisclose to getting one, finally?!  Siiiiiigh.  I know people are gonna get mad but I really don’t know if I can wait this long.  My current computer is killing me.
• when a picture doesn’t come out exactly like I had pictured in my mind.  Unfortunately that’s something I’m coming to grips with because I think that’s always going to be the case.
• that I have to get observed at work tomorrow.  Only because observations shouldn’t be 45 minutes long – my students barely have a 5 minute attention span, there’s  no way they’re gonna be well-behaved for 45 minutes.

To end the blog post on a happy note, it looks like my mom might be getting me Photoshop for my birthday.  I say might because she thinks she gets a good discount (she uses photoshop a lot for work, attends seminars, etc) but I don’t think her discount is going to be as good as she thinks.  That being said, it’s gonna be some birthday if I get Photoshop… but I don’t have the MacBook to go with it.  Rawr.

Okay how’s this for a happy ending… a flickr friend made a cute little hat for Danbo:

Cutest… thing… ever!!!

Aka, “stop stealing pictures!”  Or… “how do I know if I’ve stolen a picture?”

I love flickr. I’ve learned a lot about photography there and I’ve met so many wonderful people as a result.  But the one problem I keep coming across is this: when you put your pictures up on a picture sharing website, people tend to think that since the pictures are “shared”, that means they can use your pictures however they want.  And that’s not true at all.   Sharing, in this sense, means I am letting other people see a picture I have created.  I am not putting a picture on a website for others to take it.

Some of you may remember my beloved Wall-E picture (with flag) that I posted the other day.  I adored the expression in his eyes, it took me nearly 100 takes to capture it but I was proud of it, possibly more proud of it than any other photo I’ve taken to date.  Unfortunately, someone else loved it enough to upload it to their tumblr, without asking for permission or giving me credit.  And that’s really crappy.  [Btw, I have to thank @mattstratton and @phampants for noticing my stolen picture, letting me know and helping me out in general.]

I know a lot of people may be guilty of this: they see a picture they like, right click, save as… bam, they have a picture to upload wherever they want.  Fantastic… but what about the person that the picture BELONGS to?  And yes, that picture belongs to me, I took it, my pictures are protected by copyright.  If you save the picture, then upload it to another site… you stole that picture.  Congratulations, you’re a thief.

That sounds really harsh but it’s really true.  Most pictures up on flickr, unless otherwise indicated, are All Rights Reserved. Which, to quote the law (courtesy of wikipedia), means “the holder of a copyright reserves the sole right to publish a work, and is entitled to take legal action against infringement.”  Aka if it’s my picture, I’m the only one allowed to do anything with it and if you decide to use it without asking (for any reason at all, even if you’re not making money off it), you’ve broken the law.. and I’m allowed to take legal action against you.  Make sense?

SO… long story short… If you’re a person trying to post a picture that you like (and doesn’t belong to you) on facebook, tumblr, flickr, your blog, WHEREVER… #1, ask for permission and #2, give credit to the photographer (include the photographer’s name near the picture) and link back to the site where you found the original picture.  [If you don't give credit to the photographer, that implies that YOU took the picture.  A quick little "by curiousillusion" (for example, with a link to the original picture) helps give a hard-working photographer due credit.]

It really doesn’t take that much time to do.  And it makes the world a better place. :)

Oh and btw, I know that most people that are reading this are photographers that already know all about this sort of thing.  But please, let’s spread the word… hopefully we can educate people so that our pictures can remain theft-free.

Okay not exactly the same as the first.  What am I talking about?  Well I decided to start a picture a day project again… only this time it’s not 365 days.  It’s the Flickr group 24 Days of Christmas and I thought it sounded cute so I figure I’ll go for it.   Except I’m not going to be as rigid with it as I was with Project 365 – I don’t want to burn out again.  So I’m going to have a picture for each day, but it might not be *taken* on that day (like today’s pic was actually taken yesterday).  And I’m not going to post every day if it’s not possible, as long as I post eventually that’s okay.  Hopefully I’ll have enough holiday-themed ideas to last me the whole time!

My mom and I got into it last night, to put it in a nutshell: she wanted me to attend a function of a friend of hers that I did not want to attend.  It was my decision a few weeks ago, then last night she just decided I should go.  The end.  Ummm… no.

Anyway, she kept pushing it and pushing it and then she finally said that I should go because I’m the one that’s alone and has no friends and is lonely.  And that’s where I got mad.

I mean, I’ll agree that I don’t have that many friends in Houston still… I haven’t been living here that long.  But I do have friends, I just happened to leave them in San Antonio.   To say I don’t have any friends?  And to go from saying that to saying I am lonely?  Definitely no.

One of the things I was talking with a co-worker about recently was how tiring teaching is.  I think it might be a teaching kindergarten thing because for the past 2 years I have been utterly exhausted after work.  To the point where I come home, collapse on the couch/bed and just veg for the few hours before it’s time to sleep.   Weekends are for recovering, not thinking about working… and running any errands I was too tired to do during the work week.  And I’m not alone in this thinking, I have co-workers that agree with me – they do the same thing when they got home from work.  It doesn’t mean I’m lonely or anti-social.  It means that being around a classroom full of 5 and 6 year old kids all day long is tiring.  It’s draining.  You try it and see how you feel.

I don’t know, like I said… I would like to have more friends.  But that will come in time.  And the last two functions that I’ve attended at my mother’s insistence were not fun and not pleasant, so excuse me if I sit this one out.

Oh and btw… I got the results of my evaluation from Monday.  Not the official paperwork with my scores but a sit down with the admin who told me I did well.  Actually, she asked me how I thought I did and I admitted that I thought it could have been better, that the lesson went too short, but that I thought the kids were well-behaved and captivated.  And the admin said that she thought I did very well, and when she went on to list specifically what I did that was good… it made me realize that I *DO* do a good job!  So exciting!  The one thing she said I could have improved on was something I had originally thought of… but my co-teacher changed my mind.  Oops.  Guess I’ve learned to go with my instinct on those kinds of things! :)

Lately I’ve been ranting up a storm about something that I find so ridiculous, I can’t wrap my mind around it: my new job’s dress code for women. Now I understand that dress codes are important – my previous job didn’t have much of  a dress code and several employees took advantage, which resulted in some women looking completely inappropriate.  However this dress code is just beyond excessive… and kind of depressing.

My main issue is with the skirt length – it has to fall below the knee.  Now I don’t go for the mini skirt look or anything but every single one of my skirts falls right at or slightly *above* the knee.  It doesn’t make me look unprofessional at all… in fact, I always tend to look professional, if I do say so myself.  A skirt any longer than that would result in me looking frumpy, I’m too short.

But that’s not all.  Shoes are apparently a big deal.  No high heels, no sandals, no open-toed shoes, no clogs, shoes must have backs (not just a strap, an all out back)… basically ballet flats (which I stocked up on over the summer) are all I’m allowed to wear.  Which is fine but most of the time the back of shoes irritate the backs of my feet and pain is not good, especially when I’m standing up all day.

Anyway it’s just too much.  Basically the people who came up with this dress code are men whose wives must completely cover themselves up, due to their culture/religion.  And that’s fine for them (well, I guess it’s fine?) but if that’s the route this job is going, I will not stay longer than a year.  I don’t have much of a wardrobe or a fashion sense, I suppose, but I am not about to spend what little money I earn in order to revamp my clothes to fit the rules.  Yes, pants and a top are appropriate and I do wear that sometimes, but there’s something about a skirt that makes me feel… I don’t know.  Girly?  Professional?  Happy.

So anyway, to heck with that – I’m gonna wear what I’m going to wear.  And if I’m going to get in trouble for wearing a skirt that is above my kneecap instead of below it, then so be it.  (Ok I’m not completely a rebel… a girl at work wore a skirt that was right above her knees for meet the teacher and no one said anything to her.)  As a co-worker said the other day… it is what it is.  I kinda just hope I don’t get in trouble… I love my skirts!

I knew that when I started a blog, that I was taking a risk by putting myself out there.  I used to post on livejournal but even then, I was able to limit the people that were able to see what I was writing – in blogging you’re not able to really do that.  It’s everyone or no one.

And that’s fine.  That’s why I like blogging, for the most part – I get to hear people’s thoughts, suggestions, ideas… it has been entertaining and educational.  I welcome debates, I welcome disagreements… it’s all good.

But what I cannot stand is when people talk down to me, act like they are smarter than me or something.  Condescending know-it-alls, I’ve said already today (on twitter), are unnecessary.

There’s a lot to be said about a way something is delivered.. you can say “that’s dumb” or you be a bit gentler about it: “I see what you’re saying, maybe instead of doing X you should try Y?”  I know that on the internet it is harder to convey what you are thinking because facial expressions and tone are lost… but there’s still a nice way to say things and a hurtful way to say things.

I just wish people would think about what they are saying and how they are saying it.  That’s all.

Edited to add: some people have been expressing their concern, wondering if they were the ones responsible for my rant today.  Let me leave it at this: if you are a regular commenter on my blog.. heck, if you’ve EVER left a comment on my blog, you’re fine, it’s not you.  I love you, you’ve done nothing wrong and thanks for leaving me love. :)

I’ve mentioned previously that I’m perfectly content being single… while I wouldn’t mind having a boyfriend, or even dating, I don’t feel the overwhelming need to have someone.  But sometimes I feel like I’m the only one that feels that way.  Especially when I’m around my friends that have boyfriends.  It seems that most of my friends have significant others and they fall into 2 categories… they either feel the need to spend *all* their time with their boyfriend/husband, inviting him along everywhere… or they don’t.

I have to say, I prefer the ones that don’t feel the need to invite their significant other everywhere.  In San Antonio I had two really good friends and we would go out, see a movie, have a few drinks, have girl talk… and that was great!  It’s nice to be able to go out and chat about whatever.   It obviously wasn’t a regular thing because they had husbands and children, but once in a while they would have their husbands babysit (or their moms, whatever) and we would get to go out.

Now don’t get me wrong, I can understand how some couples want to spend their time together.  My brother and his girlfriend live in different cities so it only makes sense that on the weekends they do get to see each other, they spend as much time as possible together… I don’t fault them for it.

However, I can’t stand when my friends have boyfriends and hanging out with my friend means hanging out with her boyfriend, no matter what.   I mean, yeah, sometimes the boyfriend is cool and we can all get along and that’s great.  But every single time?  Plus I think it’s one thing to say, “hey let’s go out… and oh, is it okay if my boyfriend joins us?” It’s another thing when my friend suggests we hang out and then when we go to hang out, oh look – the boyfriend is here.   And no, it’s not bitterness or jealousy… it’s me wanting to spend time with a friend.  Is that so bad?

Maybe it’s just me though.  I’ve never been one to *always* spend time with a significant other… there are times for that, and then there are times when you can each do your own thing.  My parents are the same way – they go out together, but then my dad will go to the pub and my mom will hang out with her friends and they don’t always need to be with each other.  I kind of think that’s a sign of a healthy relationship.

But again, maybe that’s just me.  Sigh.

So I was telling myself I wouldn’t discuss this on the blog, that I just need to let it go. But it’s getting to me. It’s been getting to me all day and I can’t let it go. So I’m going to *briefly* mention it… and then hopefully never mention it again. Okay that’s a lie, this story will probably have some form of ending on Monday so it’ll have to get brought up then.

A parent of one of my students came up to me today, just randomly checking in on her child. She has issues with a lot of things in the classroom concerning her child and, without going into details… proceeded to attack me about them. I was caught completely off guard and I can’t stand that, not to mention the fact that no matter what I tell this mother, she’s not going to be happy with what I say.

After meeting with me, she went to talk to the principal about it and unfortunately, I did not get a chance to speak to the principal at all today – which kind of bothered me, I would have liked to talk to her about it, get her opinion and see how she feels about this. But the last thing I heard was that 1. the parent had decided there was going to be a parent-teacher conference on Monday (um, thanks for telling ME about this) and 2. the parent wants the child moved out of my class.

I used to take it personally when parents wanted their children out of my class… but I get it now. Occasionally, for a variety of reasons, personalities clash – whether it is between the parent and the teacher, or the student and the teacher. However. There are now 19 days left of school. Is it really going to help this child to move her now?

Not to mention, classrooms are pretty full. If I get a child moved out of my room, then that means I’m going to end up having a different child moved *into* my room. That makes me nervous.

Well. There’s nothing I can do right now. I am letting it go… for the weekend. I shudder to think what Monday will bring but for now, I’m going to take a long bubble bath and not think on it.

So I’ve had a day.  One of THOSE days.  Had them?  Know what I’m talking about?  I feel like I’ve been venting all day on twitter but that’s not enough… little spurts of vent aren’t doing it for me.  I need to just let it all out.  You’ve been warned.

It started with my co-worker, another kinder teacher who is right next door to me.  She sends a student to get a tissue from our tissue box.  Okay.  Then another student of hers walks in and starts taking a lot of tissues.  What?  Then the teacher walks in, complaining about how she’s run out of tissues in her classroom.  Yup, it happens, I know.  But then you send home a note to the parents asking for tissues.  You don’t just start sending your kids into my room to use my tissues.  My kids go through them fast enough on their own…

Then my twitter issue.  I have a friend, we’ll just call her Friend.  I guess friend is a term to be used lightly, I haven’t seen her in 5 years.. but she’s still a friend I’ve known for ages.  I follow her on twitter but she doesn’t follow me – not sure why. My guess is that it’s never occurred to her. Friend sent a funny link, that I retweeted.  Some of my followers on twitter also retweeted that link, still keeping the Friend @ link.  One of my followers added Friend on twitter… and Friend added her back.  Hello?  Why can’t she add me back?  I mean, she actually knows me… I don’t know, I’m probably taking it personally when I shouldn’t be but still… it kinda hurts.

Oh and apparently one of my students has lice.  Awesome.  Well I think it’s HAD, past tense… but still. Yuck.

I don’t feel better.  Okay maybe a little bit better… but not really.  I need ice cream.  Ice cream will make it better.